Playing With Fire

It's always the element of danger which make things just that little bit more exciting.

We are all taught the difference between right and wrong.

But sometimes it's hard, no matter how in control you think you are.

And at the end of the day...

Temptation is a bitch.

It's like someone putting a plate of your favourite cake absolutely smothered in cream in front of you and telling  you that you can't eat it.

How are you supposed to resist?!

How are you supposed to just LEAVE it there?

Exactly.

It's just gotta be eaten.You just HAVE to take a bite.

What can I say....I'm weak!

Actually no, I'm only HUMAN.

xoxo

Thank you =)

Thank you my lovelies.

Thank you for all your wonderful messages of support and encouragement. They mean a lot and have picked me up.

Feeling much better today. =)

Didn't sleep so well last night, but I got to catch up with my friend over breakfast after my shift this morning and having a chinwag with him always makes me feel more positive.

Our list of stuff we need to do just keeps getting longer and longer but it's all something to look forward.

I also received some fantastic (and shitty - but that's another story) news from my dear friend in Canada which has also managed to put a smile on my face today.

Still thinking about my grandad and hoping that he will get better soon. My family are visiting him every day so it's a matter of playing the waiting game and hoping for the best.

Fingers crossed!!

xoxo

Get Well Soon

Last night I got the really sad news that my grandad is in hospital.

It's not even the fact that he is in hospital which is the sad part - I am just stunned at how fast his health has deteriorated. I was with him only 5 weeks ago and he was doing OK, but since then I've heard about falls, confusion and now, a broken hip.

88 years old...and my grandad is no different to other members of that generation - he HATES hospitals. He HATES doctors and he HATES being taken care of. And from the sound of it, he is letting every single person around him let him know that and is being a very difficult patient. 

I don't want to go into any more details, but what I heard about his behaviour has really shocked and upset me. He sounds so out of character, but deep down I know it's just a reaction from having to stay in hospital. And his condition has gotten so serious, that when he comes out, for sure he's gonna need round the clock care.

That is NOT gonna go down well with him. =(

I asked my mum last night if I needed to go home. She said no. I was gonna buy my ticket to NZ next week, but I think I'll hold off for 2 weeks just until I know the whole situation. If everything's good, I'm gonna pay an extortionate price, but it's only money and it can be made back.

This year marks the 5th anniversary of the passing of my nan. She would have been 90 this year. And there isn't a day that goes by where I don't think about her and I applaud my grandad in battling on as long as he has since that day. Thank you.

 Needless to say, I am worried sick and didn't sleep a wink last night. I'm going to buy a card and write a letter to him - hopefully that will cheer him up.  He's talked about wanting to leave for years....I can only hope now that he isn't giving up. Feeling like crap today.

Be strong.

Get well soon.

xoxo

Tasman Bay

Seriously - how gorgeous is this?

You all know how much I just adore the beach and the fact that New Zealand has so many hidden gems like this makes the trip that even more exciting. 

I absolutely cannot WAIT to go!

I need like 6 weeks to do it the way I would like to but I think I'm going to have to make a couple of sacrifices on the North Island so that I can fit in more on the South.

Stunning.

I've had a really great weekend. I actually enjoyed work yesterday (shock, horror!!) - not quite sure why, but I had a really good day. Then it was out for dinner and drinks with friends which is always a good laugh - especially when you don't get wrecked and can comfortably make one fo the last trains home. I spent this afternoon in Shinjukugyoen too and it was just such gorgeous weather with the lightest of breezes. I was supposed to be meeting friends there but no matter how times I walked around, I just couldn't find them!!! And that was the perfect moment for my phone to die on me as well! Typical!! So I just chilled out for like an hour on the super soft grass with my LP and got myself all pumped up for my trip.

Payday soon and then I can finally buy my ticket! God knows how much the prices have gone up now, but to be honest, I don't really care. It's totally gonna be worth it. Really excited about seeing my old flatmate as well - he's bought a mammoth house in Christchurch and has a car and bike, so I'm looking forward to exploring around there with him and his wife. It's gonna be great!

xoxo

Yay!!!!

I love this time of year.

Why?

Because the new season of Project Runway is well under way!!!

HAHAHAHAHA!!!

I absolutely LOVE this show and not only this, but the new season of ANTM has also started with the DELICIOUS Rob Evans on it as one of the new judges.

Errr.....HELLLLLLOOOOOOOO sir!! No joke - I swear down he rivals Willy Monfret in how damn fine he is!!!

Yes, I know that everyone hates reality shows but remember that these support new talent. OK, so ANTM might not be on the same level as the other two, but I really love watching the photoshoots and looking at the transformations. And it's perfect timing because SYTYCD is gonna finish next week!

I really need to start watching some proper TV shows! LOL!!

Not that you'd get it from what I've just said, but I've been really productive recently!! I feel like I'm making more out of the time that I have free before work and I'm not sure why, but it feels like things have slowed down a bit. They haven't - I'm still working the same schedule, but something has switched in my attitude that it doesn't feel like I'm rushing around or as tired as usual. 

I have a feeling it's something to do with my upcoming travel plans - not just for this Christmas but for my birthday next year as well. So excited about that - it's going to be very, very special. (^0^)

When I have a trip to look forward to, it's like nothing else matters. Everything that I do now is leading up to that and it's that excitement that keeps me going. I also worked out that NZ is going to be my 8th trip this year. Spoiling myself much?! HAHA!

I think going to bed earlier is also helping - I'm generally not feeling as tired....although that seems to change the minute I get to work! But I haven't touched a single can of red bull all week - and believe me, that's definitely an achievement for me! I'm just hoping it can continue for the rest of the week but I know it's unlikely as Thursdays and Fridays are my super busy days.

Looking forward to spending time with friends at the weekend though, so it's allll good.

Night.

xoxo

=)

I'm in my element when I'm planning a trip.

Nothing can spoil my mood this evening! It's all good.

So I knew New Zealand was amazing. Everyone has told me and when my friends came Tokyo from Kyushu a couple of years ago, we went to this Rugby World Cup promo thing at Tokyo Tower. Inside I was just gobsmacked at the sheer natural beauty of this tiny country and I knew from that point on that I needed to make more of an effort to make sure that I get there.

But going through the guidebook and seeing how much New Zealand has to offer - man, I'm being blown away and I haven't even booked a ticket yet!! I'm finding that my initial plan of going for 2 weeks is just getting longer and longer...not just because there is so much to see, but also because the flight prices just keep increasing and coming back one day later is always that little bit cheaper.

Man, I wish I was flying from the UK - it's way cheaper than flying from Japan. But hey - nothing I can do about it, but I figured that if I was gonna be forking out this extortionate amount of money for the flight, then I should get my money's worth and spend a decent amount of time there. Of course that always cripples me financially since it's unpaid time off work....what to do....

Can't do anything right now anyway - I have to wait until payday at the end of the month before I can pay for the ticket and get confirmation whether I'm going alone or not. I'm just hoping that the prices don't go up too much - I'm already looking at about £1400 just for the flight.

But I know it's going to be worth every penny.

xoxo

The Phenomenon That Is Earth

I could sit and look at a map for hours. 

In fact, I do.

I close my eyes and then just plonk my finger down on a map...and then google it.

And more often than not, I end up wanting to go there.

Do you remember when I said that this year was going to be my last 'big' travel year?

Yeah, well you can scrap that!!

There are just way too many places that have to be seen before I die. You should travel your whole life. Don't use marriage and kids as an excuse to say that you can't.

You CAN.

And should.

So you all know that I'm heading to New Zealand this Christmas and New Year. I haven't booked my ticket yet, but I'm starting to do a little more research into it.

HOW stunning?

I badly wanna go for like 3 weeks, but with the nature of my work, I just can't afford to take that much unpaid time off. Plus the fact that a lot of new things may be happening next year...it just can't be done. So I'm planning to head out there for 2...and it's so hard to decide what to see. And I think I'm gonna be flying solo, so of course I wanna be able to spend some time with my friends too. There is just so much beauty out there and it's gonna be tough to try and see everything. 

So excited about it all.

And then next on my list is Africa. Starting with Zanzibar. If you don't know about it, google it and marvel at these two stunning islands of untouched beauty. I thought that it would cost an absolute fortune to experience that piece of paradise, but it's really not that more expensive then my flight to NZ is going to be. YAY!!

And then I've become so mesmorized by Namibia. I don't think I've ever been to a desert before.....no, I don't think I have and this one is just remarkable. And then there's the Lac Rose in Senegal, Cabo Verde and of course I need to go and see my girl in SA and then there's Egypt and I wanna hit up Ghana and OF COURSE, Kenya and I would go to Angola if I was brave enough and I wanna visit friends in Mozambique. And I've seen from loads of friend's pics that there are gems along the east and west coast that have just got to be done. 

Then there's still my dream to hit up the French Polynesia. 

So many places.

I still need to head back and do Europe properly!!!

And I wanna see more of the States - namely the Grand Canyon and Havasu Falls.

And me and my fave travel buddy always talked about Nepal and Mongolia. I still wanna do that.

So, so many places. I've barely even touched on them all here. I wouldn't be able to - it would make this entry waaaayyyy too long.

Stunning.

Who says you can't travel and save?! Yeh, OK I know I might not be able to save even a fraction of what a lot of other people do.....but then again, do those people get to see as much of the world as I do? Exactly.

The Earth is a truly phenomenal place. And having the privilege of travelling around to see it - man, THIS is why I work my arse off. This is why I live.

To travel.

My most favourite thing to do in the whole world.

So inspired.

I could sit and look at pics of the world all evening.

In fact, that is EXACTLY how I'm going to spend my Saturday night.

xoxo

Just Give It A Chance!!

Argh!!!

Men are so frustrating.

No, I'm not talking about anyone who has come onto the scene recently.

Over the years, there have been 3 guys that I would have potentially married.

Apart from the fact that we all live in completely different parts of the world, it boils down to the fact that they were too scared to just give it a go.

But the thing is, this latter fact I've only been finding out recently. 

K so there was someone here who became one of my best friends. I adore him, I love everything about him and we got on insanely well. But that was it - we were good friends and I always thought that he wanted to keep it that way so that we wouldn't wreck what we had.

And I accepted that - in fact, I was kinda glad because at the end of the day, with this particular guy, I would definitely rather have a lifelong friendship than a failed relationship. 

So today I found out that that same guy is having a kid next year. I'm truly so, so happy for him because I know he really wants kids and he is going to be just the most amazing father. I know he is because he is such an amazing person.

But then when we were talking today, he revealed that the reason him and I never happened was because he felt that he would always want more and he didn't wanna get screwed over by me. I was one of the guys and I always thought that that's how it wanted to keep it. I had no idea that he felt the way that I had for all the years that I had known him. Not a clue.

The same reason another guy I met when I was 20 wouldn't have a relationship with me - he said that he didn't wanna fall for me and then get hurt.

Looking back at how I was then, I can see how they would've been wary - I've grown up a lot since then, but at the same time, it's frustrating because we'll never know how it would've worked out.

Hearing that same thing again today - it hurt me a little bit because I know how I felt about this guy at the time and now knowing that he felt the same way and chose not to give us a chance - it's so...arrrrgggghhhhh!!!!!! It's all good though, because I still have him in my life and I can't wait until the day comes around when I can see him again. I adore him - always have, always will.

A very, very special guy. These two both are.

xoxo