A Reflection On 2014

LOL - I'm not sure I actually want to reflect.

But after a lazy blogging year, I felt the need to write one final post on the last day of 2014.

What a year.

What a very difficult, emotionally challenging year. Here are just a few random thoughts I've been having today. 


Things that I have learnt this year.

1. I'm not as strong as I thought I was.

This year I have done things that even just a year ago, I never would have done. I have endured things that I would normally have walked away from. I have forgiven things that I never would have even thought about forgiving just a year ago. I have let people treat me in ways that I never thought I would have stood for. And all of this has turned me into someone that I am not happy with, that I do not like, and that I will bury next year. Not having it. 

2. I spent more time trying to do what I thought I should be doing instead of what I wanted to do.

Not even so much what I thought I should be doing, but more like what I thought was expected of me at this particular stage. Everyone knows I love travel. And not having had the opportunity to go anywhere this year has affected my overall happiness. I'm already thinking about travel plans next year, and they have already put a smile on my face, even though nothing has been set in stone. The thought ALONE makes me feel happy.

3. My gut instinct is ALWAYS right. I wish I had trusted it - I truly believe I would be much happier now. 

This has been a very tough lesson this year. I chose to ignore a gut instinct, I turned out to be right...and all that lead to was a whole load of heartache. If I had trusted it...well, I can't even tell you where I would be right now. 

4. No matter what your mind tells you to do, whatever you KNOW is the right thing to do, your heart has the power to make you do the opposite.

Highly annoying. 

5. Feelings are a bitch. 

If we could just cut off our emotions and detach ourselves from a situation, how easy would it be to just walk away?! Connected to #4, the heart wants what it wants. Those who are strong enough to go with their head? Good for you!

6. Don't give others priority if they're not willing to do the same. I'm way too generous and I know I give too much to people who don't deserve it. 

I don't even want to get into this one. It's self explanatory.

7. You can't be the only one fighting to save something. It has to be a combined effort. 

If you don't want to save it, then walk away. Don't leave someone fighting for something you don't even want yourself. It's not fair.

8. I'm not happy. 

How the hell I didn't really notice this until a couple of months ago is beyond me. All it takes it for someone to lay everything out....or to actually see and spend time with someone who is happy to realise that changes need to be made. And I am grateful (if not somewhat envious!!!) of having those people around me. 

9. I am surrounded by AMAZING people.

THANK YOU for listening. THANK YOU for your hugs. THANK YOU for your brutal honesty. THANK YOU for your advice. THANK YOU for not judging me. THANK YOU for your patience. THANK YOU for your love and THANK YOU for your support. You KNOW who you are and please know that I love you all. 



Things that I miss about London:

1. Tesco - and all the food in it!

Fruit and veg at proper prices, amazing baking goods, fishmongers and delis, BREAD....

2. Sales shopping

Completely cleaned up this year! Although I shan't tell you what I spent! The only consolation is that I'm able to claim tax back - something I only found out last week!

3. Selfridges

My fave store in the whole world. It has everything and is just a fabulous shopping experience if you can keep calm and endure the crowds.

4. My friends

I never realise how much I miss everyone until I come back and see them again. I've laughed so hard over the last couple of weeks and just loved catching up. 

5. Amazing Indian food

God, the UK does it sooooo right. 

6. The architecture


London is stunning. Truly stunning. I love walking around and just staring at the traditional buildings. 

7. The international vibe - a whole melting pot of people from all over the world

The complete opposite to Tokyo - I love walking down the street and just having a load of multi-coloured faces pass me by. 

8. My family

No explanation needed. 

9. Central heating

Radiators in the bathroom? YESSSSSS!!!! Dreading going back to Tokyo!

10. Being hit on! 

It's always a shock (and an ego boost I guess!) coming back to the UK. People are so FORWARD and don't hesitate to compliment you. I was walking down Bond Street and a guy said something to me...and I actually turned around because I thought he was talking to someone else! At times like that, I realise how long I've been away. 

And no, those are not in any particular order!


Things that I miss about Tokyo:

1. Not having to cling onto my bag for dear life on the tube for fear of it being snatched.

Tokyo is crazy safe. People walk about with their wallets hanging out of their pockets. More often than not, if you lose anything, it will get handed in. Amazing. 

2. Good sushi.

Why my friends here insist on taking me to Japanese or sushi restaurants here in London is beyond me. Yeh, they are good....but remember where I live my lovelies!

3. My house

I miss being surrounded by my stuff in the places where I put it. 

4. The city at night

Tokyo is gorgeous at night. London is gorgeous all day...but Tokyo at night is just breathtaking.

5. Heated toilet seats

You'll never realise how much you need them until you don't have access to them anymore! HAHAHA!

Of course I miss people there. Of course I do. But after 7.5 years, I'm really wondering if it's time to move on. You don't think about it when you're there, but when I come back to the UK and tell people how long I've been living in Japan, their reaction always makes everything seem so real. It is a really long time. 


New Year's Resolutions for 2015:

1. BE HAPPY.

There is a world of stuff included in that. But ultimately, that is my goal for next year. Since I realised the extent of my unhappiness, one thing has become apparent - I do have the power to change it. I've given myself a couple of cut off points to make some very big decisions that will be detrimental to how the rest of the year pans out.

The small things make all the difference. They do. 

No more settling.

Have a wonderful NYE however you may be celebrating! 

xoxo