New Starts

I know I say this at the end of every year, but this time it's different.

And I know I say that every times as well, but this time, it really is!

LOL!

I know I said I was going to start blogging again a couple of months ago...but as usual, something happened that spun everything on its head AGAIN, and I haven't been able to talk about it.

But finally, FINALLY, I can slowly feel myself truly healing, getting stronger, getting fitter, and my eyes open up more and more each day. 

It hasn't been easy...hell, nooooooo it hasn't, BUT my bs radar is on full alert, and I have decided to stop second guessing my gut.

Your gut feeling is always right. That's something that has been proven to me in the past. Other people try to pass it off as paranoia or insecurity when confronted with it, but the actual fact is...that gut feeling will nearly always turn out to be right.

And as the year is coming to a close, my biggest hope for next year is simple.

NO. MORE. DRAMA.

I'm biting the bullet and making some big, big changes next year. No more excuses, no more procrastinating - it's time to do stuff for ME. This time last year, I was not expecting to be here. I was making decisions based on someone else's plans (even though I knew deep down that was the wrong thing to do), and it was that decision which held me back from doing a whole load of stuff I wanted to do.

I am not going to make the same mistakes again. I learnt my lesson the hard way and it came with an incredible amount of heartache and pain, that took a long time to let go. And every time I managed to take those baby steps forward, something happened and I was right back where I started.

I don't want to be always looking for the worst in people, but when people behave the way that they do, it's hard not to. And that's a terrible quality to have. I know I'm guarded, but in time, I'm sure I will let it down again. 

In the meantime, 2016 is going to be an incredible year of travel. And you know that nothing makes me happier than that. 

On a completely different note, I am having the biggest wardrobe clearout ever. I have so many clothes that I bought years ago that still have the damn label on! And no matter how gorgeous I think they are, if I haven't worn them in the last 2 years, it's very unlikely I'm going to! So I'm taking them back to the UK and taking them to charity. 

Loving the extra wardrobe space I have right now! Perfect timing - Boxing Day sales are beckoning!

xoxo

Yawn!

Ufffff.

This being frugal lark is getting seriously boring.

I haven't done anything this weekend except go to the gym.

Seriously - apart from that and taking the rubbish out today, I haven't left the house. I've stayed in, done laundry and watched copious amounts of TV, spent hours looking at flights and hotels, sorting through emails and deleting pictures.

I guess it has been productive, but after spending months going out all weekend, it feels weird. Although my wallet is definitely thanking me for it. I was spending a fortune on lunches and dinners and drinks - now money is only going on commuting and food from the supermarket. That used to be expensive too, but now that I've become a smarter shopping, I've finding a lot of ways to save cash there, too!

My credit card beating, however, has continued. 

And I have just booked another flight.

Off to the States next month!

LOL - I'm so used to shoving everything on a debit card, that I sometimes forget that all these flights and hotels still need to be paid for! I'm sitting here thinking that all I need to do now is save for spending money, but actually, I need to pay for the whole trip! LOL! 

Good thing I am being so frugal then!

Definitely going to be working my arse off for the next 6 months, that's for sure. If anyone needs a business English tutor, let me know!!!! HAHA!

On a completely different note, how are you supposed to get rid of that flabby bit at the bottom of a six pack?! The top part of my abs are getting pretty defined and then it's just like this round gut. My friend told me I would have to start eating better to get rid of it....

....so I guess it's staying! LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!

xoxo

Confusion

Arrrgggghhhhhhh!!!!

It is so frustrating that when you have a situation straightened out, it takes one thing to turn everything on its head again.

And to say that I have been left feeling somewhat confused is an understatement.

OK, I guess confused is the wrong word. No, no - actually confused is definitely the right word.

Confused. Anxious. Nervous. Fearful. Hopeful. Happy. Relieved.

LOL! I sound like a nutter! 

It's just been a bit of an insane 3 weeks. But I think things just finally might be falling into place, and I'm starting to figure things out.

Someone told me that you have to stop holding onto fear and just let go. Let it happen. But stay strong, keep your guard up and protect yourself.

How are you supposed to do all of that at the same time?!

The next 6 months - 1 year are going to be everything. Everything.

I can't explain why in detail yet, but it's all super exciting!

My trip to Africa is taking its beautiful shape, and I am so effing pumped for it! It has broken the bank, but you should never apologise for doing something on your bucket list. And seeing an African sunset?! It's going to be so effing special, I can barely contain my excitement! And to be able to share it with someone who has been one of my rocks over the last year will make it even more special, and amazing, and exciting, and fun!

I've also just booked my flight to....

....the M**********N' BAHAMAS!!!!

Woop woop woop!

I can't even begin to explain how excited I am for that either! It's just going to be insane. And I'm excited to catch up with my girl in LA who will be meeting me there as well! Yay! 

It's going to be an epic start to the new year! Next year HAS to be my year! Because I want a better one that this one. And a better one than last year. 

I deserve it.

And I'm going to make it happen.

xoxo

Short Lived!

Lesson learnt!

Be very, very careful who you decide to let into your life!

It's incredible how some people can seem so genuine...only for you to find out that they are pathological liars! 

Why some people feel the need to lie about...well...everything, is beyond me!

Why bother? Is your real life that dull that you have nothing else to do except try and make yourself look better by belittling someone else?

When I saw this kind of behaviour in the two women I recently let into my life, it sent the alarm bells ringing. So I decided to do a little investigating of my own, and it turns out that my gut feeling was right.

Lies. So many lies.

And then it also opened my eyes, that when you have a gut feeling about something or someone, you really should listen to it. I was led to believe a load of crap, and through listening to my own gut feeling, I was also shown a lot of home truths. I found out reasons for things that I hadn't been able to understand before. I found out that I had gotten a particular situation completely wrong. 

When I realised the latter point, I decided to hear the story out. I'm not a spiteful person - if someone wants to apologise for wrongdoings and offer and explanation as to why those wrongdoings happened, I will hear them out.

And I'm glad I did. Harbouring negative feelings is exhausting, and I hadn't realised that I was still harbouring so much resentment towards someone. Now that I have heard what I believe to be the truth, that resentment is slowly dissolving, and I can look back and smile. 

Last month was crazy, honestly! Some people can be so petty and spiteful. The extent to which some people go to try and get answers...or to do whatever it is they were trying to do...is crazy! I found myself getting dragged into something that was absolutely nothing to do with me, and although I tried to stay out of it, it seemed to happen anyway. 

Curiosity has always been a weak point of mine!

I'm not going to lie, though, although I did get dragged into a very messy situation, something good has come out of it! 

Finding the light at the end of the tunnel.

And feeling happy.

xoxo

Don't Wait

This has been a week of not getting enough sleep...and sheer excitement.

Recently, two women have walked into my life. The circumstances in which they have done so are unfortunate, to say the least, and I did try and ignore their presence for a while and carry on as I have been.

However, I let them in and I am so glad I did! With the barrage of information that I have been receiving this week, I have embraced their positivity and am feeling stronger, happier and more determined to live life as I want to than ever! Things do happen for a reason and the ups and downs that we go through in life shape who we become. The things that have come to light have just made EVERYTHING so much easier to walk away from. It doesn't matter that I already had - with what I know now, looking back isn't even worth THINKING about. 

I may not have been to the gym for a week and a half because my body is exhausted...but that's OK because I have been keeping busy and processing this new information that has been made available to me.

I may not have liked what I heard - it might have floored me because I was so stunned, BUT it has made me realise more than ever, that taking back control and doing what I want to do is the only way forward now. 

I've completely let go and all I can do now is smile about it - not because it happened, but because I have dodged one hell of a bullet! And so have they!

I've been seeing a whole load of quotes on Instagram and Pinterest recently. You know I love Mark Twain and seeing his quote that I posted on Facebook....I stopped talking and took action.

Last night I booked my flight to....

...AFRICAAAAAAAAAAA!!

Whoop whoop!

3 weeks from mid-Dec to January.

Don't worry - I'll be passing through London for a week! Have to get my yearly shop in!

It is financially crippling. But if you look at the latest thing I posted on FB...I don't care. Should I be saving? Probably. But I don't have dependants, I don't have a husband, I don't have copious amounts of debt. It's just me. I only have to take care of myself. And my attitude right now?

Money can be made back.

Who cares how much it costs! I'll just work my arse off! There is still so much of the world that I want to see and the one thing that has been missing from my life for the last 18 months has been travel. You know it is one of the most important things for me, and  for the last year and half I gave it up and settled in a situation that just made me unhappy.

ANYONE I be with...anyone I choose to date has to be willing to travel the world with me. I nearly trapped myself before and am not going to do it again. 

So I'm travelling.

Don't wait. Just do it. While you can. I do not want to be on my deathbed wishing that I had taken more risks, that I had travelled more, that I hadn't worried so much about saving. That's not going to be me.

I am so effing excited!!!!!!! This is going to go down as one of my trips of a lifetime for sure!

xoxo

Dodgy Moods

I have been feeling super weird today....and I have absolutely no idea why!

I had a great weekend (a little bit wilder than I had planned, but still), and spent all yesterday chilling at home.

So when I woke up this morning, I was surprised to be feeling...

...antsy, irritated, extremely pissed off, anxious...

And on top of that, I felt like something was really, really wrong.

Yet still, at nearly 10.30pm, I have no idea what's wrong. I had a pretty easy day, I'm slowly trying to get back into the gym and stretch out this groin injury, work was fine, I didn't have any run ins with anyone or any bad clients.

So why am I feeling like this?

On Friday, I got an email from someone I really didn't wanna be receiving one from, but I just didn't reply and let that go. But now I'm wondering if that's what's put me in this mood. Like a delayed reaction or something. 

I dunno.

But it's been annoying. Especially when I have no reason to be feeling like this. Naturally the rain doesn't help either. But still..

It's weird! LOL!

Moving ON

LOL! 

After a 5 month break, I can finally start blogging again.

I just read the last post, and basically the situation has been the same.

I simply haven't been able to talk about what's been going on.

But now, after months and months of emotional torture, I am finally free.

Free, happy and moving forward.

Never underestimate the power of running away! LOL!

When this chapter finally came to a complete final close a couple of weeks ago, I decided to run away for the weekend to just get in a change of scene. To spend some time by myself and work out what my next step is going to be.

Wow - despite getting caught up in a typhoon, I came back to Tokyo with a clear head, feeling rested and grinning from ear to ear. Although I'm sure the little surprise I had in Okinawa had something to do with that! ;-)

And now I am just looking forward to the rest of the year, and spending time doing the things that I want to do, free of drama, arguments and bulls***.

I have made a promise to myself that what I've just been through will never happen to me again. Time to start treating myself a hell of a lot better.

Feeling good!

xoxo

Come ON!

I know, I know. After promising myself that I would blog way more frequently this year, I haven't.

And it's not because I've been lazy, or I didn't want to. Believe me -  wanted to.

It's just that I can't really talk about what's going on right now. 

I haven't had quite the start I wanted this year. Stress from last year has rolled over and the emotional rollercoaster of life has continued, even though I promised myself I wouldn't let it.

Ergh!

I've been bombarding my FB and Instagram pages with pictures of food and workout updates. I'm not gonna lie - I would love to post gym selfies, but we all know how we feel when we see them! HAHAHA! I'm really pleased with the progress I'm making on a summer body - looking forward to getting to the beach and tanned! That can't come soon enough to be honest.

Anyway, I wanted to post because literally, I think I'm losing faith in mankind again!

I've just finished watching the latest episode of Grey's Anatomy and seriously, I realised that most of the shows I watch involve some level of cheating. Cheating, lying, deceiving, manipulating....you name it, it's there. I don't know why I get so involved in TV shows, but I do. It isn't just a show when real life seems to be like that as well! I think everyone can relate somehow to what they see on TV. But I just feel so sad that there seems to be so few good people in the world now!!!! 

Ufffff....does fidelity even exist anymore?!

I often get told that just because I give so much to others, I shouldn't expect people to behave in the same way. I shouldn't, but somehow, I still do. It's like having that blind faith to believe that everyone has a good heart deep down. But actually, not everyone does! LOL! I don't know if I'm even capable of learning that lesson. I'm always rooting for people and hoping that one day I will be proved right - that there is good intent deep down - but more often than not, that never happens and it's something I just wish I would learn!

xoxo