Bleurgh!

I'm having one of those moments when you're kinda like wondering what the hell you're doing in a job which.....

......isn't really taking you where you want to be, I guess.

You know when you hit that point where you just feel like you're dealing with a whole load of ungrateful ******, who cuss you out and slam you down, even though you are bending over backwards and trying your best to help them? When you ask them what they want and they don't take the initiative to tell you and voice their dissatisfaction through complaining about things they don't have the right to complain about in the first place?

Yah - I'm there.

I really miss my regular clients. I miss stimulating conversation. Obviously it's not EVERYONE. I have met some truly inspiring and wonderful people, but at the end of the day, is it enough? I'm not sure that it is when the crappy things seem to be outweighing the good things more and more. I really hope that I can try and put this down to a ****** month and it's not something bigger. All I know is that I'm feeling...disgruntled....dissatisfied. I need MORE. I'm bored. I don't get to shine. I barely have to use my brain...well, not this month anyway seeing as the extent of the conversation rarely moves past talking about things that people like and dislike. YAWN.

If it was a viable option, I would totally devote myself to studying, completely cut back on my hours and work part time. For a while I really shoved myself into it, thinking that maybe I would be able to take things further, to develop more, but the truth is as time goes on, I really don't see a chance for that to happen. Unfortunately, given the circumstances of all the crazy stuff that is going on in my life right now, I really don't have a choice but to work my arse off to try and get some money put aside for the insane financial dire that I'm probably going to find myself in until at least mid-end of autumn.

**sigh**

Which is actually really annoying. I was talking to my friend last weekend and she just turned around to me and told me that I just need to hurry up and achieve my goal. I needed to hear it because I DO have a goal but the necessity to work as much as I am is definitely slowly down the progress because it means that I can't 100% devote myself to it. Which I really wanna do. Definitely not gonna happen though so I know that I have to just stick it out and try and make the best of it.

Easier said than done when your efforts are being thrown back into your face on a daily basis.

Really need to create some more entertainment for myself - amazing how quickly things can change.

xoxo