Autumn Blues

I swear we don't even get autumn here - it jumps straight from summer to winter.

I'm serious - it's effing COLD in Tokyo now! And what's crazy is that when I'm out and about, I'm still seeing people wondering around in shorts and T-shirts. I don't know how they do it! Since I haven't been on holiday this year, I'm absolutely PINING for summer and for the beach. I'm honestly so miserable without my holidays. I know, I know, first world probelms, I spent too many years spoiling myself with 7 trips a year. 

I'd like to thank everyone who has shown me their wonderful support over the last couple of weeks. I'm feeling a little better, but there are still a million and one things that need to be sorted out. It's hard, but having heard what some people have to say, I am feeling more positive. Even hearing the negative things people have said, I've taken everything onboard and am moving forward with their advice in mind.

The day that my life will just calm down and move along smoothly can't come soon enough. Thing is, I'm not even sure that day is anywhere in sight, which is the most frustrating thing. 

Uncertainty.

It doesn't fit well with my character. It does when I'm travelling - I'm perfectly happy to kick back and just see what happens - but when it comes to life changing decisions, it's not easy for me to just "wait and see". Especially when that "wait and see" gives you like minimal time to mentally and physically prepare yourself for change. For some people, it's a good thing because they don't dwell on that decision so much - they don't have time to think about getting nervous, or what that decision might actually mean...because they don't have time to. Before they've even had time to process what's happening, they're already making the change.

I'm all for spontanaeity, but there are some situations where you really need to take the time to think about what that change will mean - espeically when you've been in that situation for a long time. I love the idea of change - I never would have been able to just up and leave and live in different countries if I was scared of it, but the thing is when you're under pressure, it's much harder to know if you are making the right decisions. 

And I am feeling a little pressured now. I like talking things through, but that can be difficult when the person you need to be talking to finds it hard to relate to how you feel. People are weird - it's funny how we understand different things about each other. It's weird how no mater how much you try to explain, some people just don't get it. It's funny how someone can try and explain something to you, and you just don't get it either. It works both ways - there are some things we just can't understand about others.

But you can't change the way people are. You can only ask them to try and understand what you are feeling. And that can be challenging for everyone involved.

People say that time can heal any situation, but what happens if you don't have the time required? 

I don't think I'm scared of the wrong decision. I'll just go by my usual philosophy of if it effs up, I'll just remove myself from the situation. Regret is a far worse feeling than taking a risk and having it fail. It doesn't mean that I don't need the time to talk it through properly.

On a completely random and different note....

.....I just found out my parents got a dog! It feels weird because we were never allowed one growing up and now they suddenly have one all these years later! LOL!

I'll leave you with that random change of topic!

xoxo