How Much Longer?

http://youtu.be/-2U0Ivkn2Ds

Click on the link and listen to the lyrics if you haven't already on Facebook.

There is no better song to sum up my mood today than this one.

I had a string of appointments...each progressively worse than the previous one. I decided to stop in Starbucks for a cup of tea, connected to iTunes Radio...and that was the first song that came on.

Now I am DESPERATELY fighting with everything I have not to cry in public.

Don't . Do. It.

Literally, I am so worked up my hands are shaking and I can barely type. What nonsense.

I'm a firm believer in not giving up fighting for something you want. You fight and fight and fight and you do everything that you can to get where you want to be. You deal with all the hurdles, all the setbacks. I've had to fight for everything my whole life....

....but at what point do you give in and admit defeat?

That was the main topic of conversation today.

It's exhausting trying to deal with whole loads of crap in the hope that "in the end" you'll have what you want, or you'll be where you want to be, or a shitty situation would have worked itself out. Nearly all situations involve another person, and when you're fighting for something, the people around you do have some influence in how succssful you're going to be. And when those people surrounding you fail to give you the support, encouragement or whatever else it is you need from there to succeed, you can't help but feel like throwing it all in and giving up.

Then comes the more logical bit.....what would happen if you weren't to have that thing that you've been fighting for in your life? What would you do instead? There is always that moment where you need to weigh up the pros and cons of taking a certain action....and whilst you realise that you may suffer financially, emotionally or physically, is it better in the long run for your own happiness?

You see those quotes all the time online asking you whether you'd rather be rich and unhappy, or poor and happy.

It's a difficult question to answer. It is. The ideal would be to go for the latter, but in this day and age....practicality needs to come into it.

Today I spent a lot of time talking about work/life balance. There are three main areas in life; work, relationships and health. I was told today that if one of them is going like shit, then you better hope the others are going well. If you don't have some kind of balance, then you're screwed.

So what happens if more than one of those areas is going wrong? Does that mean you are humoungously screwed instead of just being screwed?

One of those areas, I'm working to fix now. I'm doing everything I can to fix it and I know I will be insanely happier when I start to see return on my efforts.

One of those areas I'm ready to give up on. I've given it time. I've tried a few different things....and I THINK I'm ready to let go. I just need to run some ideas by someone first. Mind you, that's a bit tough when the person I want to run those ideas by isn't around.

One of those areas I'm getting close to WONDERING if I should give up. But I'm up for one last push. The final push. And then if it doesn't work out, or my feelings about it don't improve, I'm letting go. One final push.

I'm so tired of fighting all the time. Next year is going to be one of big changes because I sure as hell don't fancy another one like this.

Know your worth.

Remember that you deserve to be happy.

Don't let anyone else have the power to make you think otherwise.

xoxo