Crushes Are Gay

Man, I thought I was being all clever and cryptic and shit and someone has worked out who my crush is!

That just makes this whole thing even more embarrassing than it already is.

It's like seriously, how the hell did they work it out? I haven't even DONE anything that might even hint that I like him and neither has he. So how did someone manage to pull the right answer out of absolutely nowhere?! This whole thing only started recently - how did someone else work it out when I've only just managed to work it out myself.

So embarrassing. The fact that I find it embarrassing is embarrassing. The whole situation is embarrassing.

And the fact of the matter is I'm just not brave enough to do anything about it. And I can't even believe I'm saying that. I don't think anyone who knows me well will be able to believe it either. THIS IS NOT ME!!! So gay. When did I get so shy? Since I've been in Japan, that's when.

I just don't want to deal with the humiliation that will inevitably come if I get knocked back. I know I can deal with it but I just don't want to have to - especially not from someone who isn't even my type! That's even more embarrassing!

Man, I could really use some advice on this one guys! I'm normally one to just put myself on the line but I'm just not prepared to do that with this guy. There must be a way to do this without laying all my cards on the table. Subtlety has never been my strong point. I think that's the problem. I'm OUT THERE. I don't normally wait for the hints ot signs. Normally I just go for it. But I can't do that this time.

I can't.

xx

Horrible Hangover

Man, today was seriously hard.

I've been celebrating my birthday all week. Because that's how awesome I am. Last night was a little drinking party. I woke up yesterday morning and had the urge to play darts so I met some friends at a bar and just hung out. It was nice man.

Anyways, I did NOT drink enough to warrant this much of a hangover. I think it's because I didn't sleep very well either and I had 6 elementary classes today. I yawned my way through the first period, wasn't listening in the second, got blown away by the genkiness of the kids in the third, couldn't keep my eyes open in the fourth, died of boredom in the fifth and couldn't keep up with the most powerful class I teach in the sixth.

Yabai.

xx

*BLUSH*

Man, it's kind of embarrassing to be blogging about this stuff! But I figured it's good to let y'all see another side of yours truly.

*blush* *deep breath*

So like, this crush I have is driving me CRAZY! This guy is like constantly on my mind. I know I said I wasn't going to do anything about it but I want to. I'm not going to though. Only because I know him - I have no issues being rejected by a stranger (and yes, that HAS happened! Admittedly very rarely, but it has), but being rejected by someone you know - someone that you will see again...I'm not down for the kind of awkwardness it would cause. He's not even my type - what the hell?! But I'm THIS close to making a move...it's not even that he's given me any signs or anything...but I figured that I may as well take a chance, right? I mean, it can't be THAT bad if he says he's not on it - I just have to deal with it in a way that it's not awkward when I see him again. Right?

So much easier said than done!

What do you think? Should I go for it? Yes? No?

Man, pride is a terrible thing. It's not even like me to hold back like this. Back in the day, I wouldn't even care. But I guess it's because it's different out here. There is no game to play. So I guess you could say I haven't been in the game for such a long time that I'm just not sure about these things as I used to be? Does that sounds about right?

I dunno.

But he's driving me CRAZY!!

Aaaarrrrrggggggghhhh!

xx

I Am...Sasha Fierce

Recently I've started listening to this more and more.

I love this album! Maybe it's because I didn't make the time to listen to it before that I didn't realise how much I'd love it.

There's a lot of strength in those lyrics. I don't know how to explain it really. Except that they really hit home.

Secret Crush

Have you ever had a crush just suddenly creep up on you?

It's just happened to me.

I was about to go to sleep last night when I suddenly started to think about someone. I was like, woah where the hell did THAT come from?! Literally out of nowhere, I've started to think about him differently - which is weird because nothing's happened to trigger it off. I very, very rarely see him so it's kinda like, what the hell?!

LOL!

It's been a while since I've had a crush on someone. BUT, I'm gonna enjoy it by not doing anything about it! Last time I did something about a crush, I ended up being disappointed (he wasn't what I thought he was) and then everytime I saw him again it was kinda awkward and I don't want that to happen again.

So I shall admire from afar.

OMG, I'm BLUSHING as I'm writing this! How embarrassing!

LOL!

xx

Woah

It's like from this moment on, everything is a constant reminder that I will be leaving.

I got told this morning that they've picked my successor. They haven't told me anything about them yet, but it's just another reminder that in a couple of months, I won't be here anymore. And that makes me feel pretty sad actually because I don't really want to leave. But I have to go. It makes more sense for me to go now than putting it off for another year. For more than one reason.

But on a real sweet positive note, both my JTEs told me that the new ALT will have very big shoes to fill! Although they probably say that to everyone, it's still nice to know that you are valued and I have worked really hard during my time here.

I'm thinking that maybe I should start packing. It's one of those things that you put off because it makes everything seem so final. Whilst I'm still trying to save money, I still wanna enjoy the short time that I have left here with my friends.

I'm really gonna miss you guys!

Love y'all.

xx

Where Did The Sun Go?!?!

Boooo!!

The last two days have been so gorgeous!

And I was looking forward to spending every day after work at the beach. But today the sun just disappeared. It's still warm but it's just a sign that the rainy season it's on it's way.

A whole month of disgusting humidity and frizzy hair.

Great.

xx

Happy Birthday To Me!

I had a really good birthday weekend.

But I kept feeling like something was missing....

...and I got it today! On my actual birthday!

Music and dancing!

It was funny because I hadn't thought to plan something to do on my actual birthday. So I just sent a message out to see if anyone wanted to come and hang on the beach after school. We then went to get a Karatsu Burger....and then to a restaurant...and then a 2 hour sess of karaoke!

Man, I had so much fun. It's been ages since I've been to karaoke and for once (well, maybe not for the first hour!) my voice was on form! And I got to have a good boogie on the chairs!

Music is soooo important to me. I can't live without it.

I REALLY enjoyed myself tonight.

Thanks boys.

xx