Crushes Are Gay

Man, I thought I was being all clever and cryptic and shit and someone has worked out who my crush is!

That just makes this whole thing even more embarrassing than it already is.

It's like seriously, how the hell did they work it out? I haven't even DONE anything that might even hint that I like him and neither has he. So how did someone manage to pull the right answer out of absolutely nowhere?! This whole thing only started recently - how did someone else work it out when I've only just managed to work it out myself.

So embarrassing. The fact that I find it embarrassing is embarrassing. The whole situation is embarrassing.

And the fact of the matter is I'm just not brave enough to do anything about it. And I can't even believe I'm saying that. I don't think anyone who knows me well will be able to believe it either. THIS IS NOT ME!!! So gay. When did I get so shy? Since I've been in Japan, that's when.

I just don't want to deal with the humiliation that will inevitably come if I get knocked back. I know I can deal with it but I just don't want to have to - especially not from someone who isn't even my type! That's even more embarrassing!

Man, I could really use some advice on this one guys! I'm normally one to just put myself on the line but I'm just not prepared to do that with this guy. There must be a way to do this without laying all my cards on the table. Subtlety has never been my strong point. I think that's the problem. I'm OUT THERE. I don't normally wait for the hints ot signs. Normally I just go for it. But I can't do that this time.

I can't.

xx