Pray For Japan

I've been dreading this day for over a month.

When I was in Bangkok, I was wishing that I didn't have to come back to Japan until after this date.

March 11th.

The one year anniversary of the earthquake and tsunami disaster that brought Japan to its knees.

And took the lives of 8 of my friends.

(T T)

So young. Such a cruel way to go.

And now I have to live life for all of us.

I was on the train at 2.56 on my way home from work. The train stopped between stations as we had a 1 minute silence to remember. 

I lost it.

The tears just started falling as I remembered how it felt when the earthquake first hit. As I remembered how it felt as I got news of my friends one by one. As I remembered how it felt when my legs gave way beneath me and crumpled to the ground. As I remembered the horror at seeing the footage on TV - and then the feeling of my heart breaking for all the people of Tohoku as the magnitude of the disaster unfolded. What happened in Tokyo isn't even a fraction of what happened up north.

Such vivid memories.Such raw pain that has come rising to the surface.


I'm avoiding the news today. I don't want to see the images played over and over again.


All those people who have lost their homes and living in evacuation centres. All those people who lost their lives. All those people who risked their own lives at the Fukushima Nuclear Power Plant to save ours. Such heroes.


And lastly to my dear, dear friends. 


Gone, but not forgotten.


R.I.P


I love you.


xoxo

Stagnation

I am so jealous of people that just have stuff fall into their lap.

Don't get me wrong - I am not scared of hard work. I've worked my arse off for everything that I have, but just for once, I wish I wouldn't have to work so hard for absolutely EVERYTHING.

I found out today....well, I didn't find out but I've made a very educated guess....that the only thing that I love about my job could very well (and probably will) be taken away from me.

Training.

You KNOW I love training. I love presentations, I love helping people develop, I love being part of people's success and being able to learn from them at the same time.

Why does it feel that the desire to develop is such a big problem for other people?! I don't get it! Employers should be happy that they have staff who are always looking to improve their skills. I am by no means at the top of my game...I want to be, but every time I try, all that seems to happen is that I get a big, fat, heavy boot slammed in my face.

Someone please explain the logic in that?!

So apart from having to work my arse off my whole life to prove that I CAN do stuff and I do have the INTELLIGENCE to do stuff, I now seem to have to work even harder for the right to develop.

It makes absolutely no sense to me.

No sense at all.

I feel like I have stagnated. And that wouldn't be a problem if I was already at the top, if I already knew everything that there was to know, but I'm not at the top and I DON'T know everything that there is to know. So that makes this essentially one of the worst positions to be in. Stuck before I've even reached my full potential.

Why can't people see that? And why does it feel like people are trying to stop me from getting there?

Is it really too much just to ask for a chance?!

I don't understand.

At all.

xoxo

All Done!

Filing taxes is such a pain in the arse!!!

I got down to the tax office and for some bizarre reason, I was thinking that I could just nip in and out in like 20 minutes.

OMG the queues!!!!

But it's good to see that they have made the system way more efficient than last year. Just shove some numbers into a computer and all the calculations are done for you.

I won't get a lot back, but it's better than nothing!

I probably could've avoided those queues but seeing how I spent most of the morning chatting and skyping with my girl, I got down there much later than I was planning.

Oh well. It's all good.

Quickly got time to get changed and then it's straight back to work.

*sigh*

xoxo

:))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

I just checked my mail.....and the provisional grades for the CELTA are out.

PASS B BABY!!!!!

Over the effing moon, I really am!!

And that doesn't even come close to how happy I'm feeling right now. It's after midnight, I'm knackered after a long day at work and getting that news has picked me right up.

I was spending today thinking about all my options and have made the decision to start jobhunting and see what's out there. I'm not planning on quitting my job anytime soon - I mean, I'm taking too much holiday this year, but it's good to know that I can now go for a slightly higher teaching position now that I'm a QUALIFIED TEACHER!!!

 It feels amazing.

I can't even begin to tell you.

So happy.

xoxo

 

Ermmmmm....

So I HONESTLY, REALLY had the intention to go down to the tax office this morning and file my tax returns.

I was up early, sorting through my receipts and then sorted through a huge pile of bills.....

...and then it got to like 10.30.

Now I need to be at work before 1.30pm and there's never any telling how long these things are gonna take. I was gonna just go down there, scope it out and if it was looking too crazy, I'd just turn around and come home to get ready for work.

But then I decided it makes much more sense to go tomorrow. I don't have to be at work until 5.30, so I'll have time to make it to the gym, pay all my bills AND file my taxes.

Sounds much more productive no?

So what am I gonna do until I have to go into work this afternoon?

Blow dry my hair and paint my nails! 

LOL!

xoxo

Pure Procrastination

After a fantabulous lunch today, I swore to myself I would come home and sort all this stuff out.

I was gonna finish unpacking, get all my laundry done, sort through the bills and fill out my tax return forms.

LOL - yeh right.

I plonked my arse in front of my laptop and pretty much haven't moved since. I spent over an hour and a half catching up with one of my CELTA girls on Skype - what can I say?! There was just too much gossip to be shared! LOL! 

I just feel knackered and lazy and the rain isn't helping. That's what I'm gonna hide behind. 

But I'm gonna be really good tomorrow and file my taxes before I go into work. EVEN if it's raining I swear!!! REALLY!!!!

And then I'll start on the rest of it on Wednesday.

Too much crap to get through. I just wanna chill on the beach with a Corona.

So jealous of everyone left in SE Asia in the sun.

So jealous.

xoxo

やばい！！！！！

Uffffff.....this first day back at work has been an absolute disaster.

I got up on time......and forgot that I can't faff around in the morning like I was doing in Bangkok. Got to the station, forgot I needed to renew my commuter pass and missed the train.

Coming up to 2 years at my current company and I haven't been late once.

WTF?!

Get to work and kicked straight off with sales. All good....a month outta work and the minute I step back into it, I remember all the reasons why it was doing my head in before I left to do my CELTA. 

*sigh*

Knackered and I really thought I'd be able to continue my red bull-free streak back here...but I have a feeling I'm gonna be right back on it tomorrow. 

The crap stuff....

Clients I thought were gonna finish their course while I was away, thus never having to lay eyes on them again, have renewed. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

My office is relocating in May, making my commute that little bit longer. DOH!

I had pretty much a morning of clients that I seriously can't stand, that I just wanna slam my stiletto in the middle of their forehead. >_<

The good stuff.....

I got to go to lunch with my fabulous coworker and share CELTA stories, talk about future options and just have a fantabulous time.

Gave up on work early and came home - and now I have to do my damn tax returns and sort through this pile of bills on the table. Great. This is not part of the good stuff by the way!!!!

I just want the damn rain to stop!! It's so depressing (T T). I'll take the sweat of the summer any day!!!

xoxo

Reflection Time

I'm sitting in my apartment back in Tokyo and it feels weird. When I arrived back at the airport late last night, I was having seriously mixed feelings about being back. Should I stay here? Should I think about moving on?


And then I looked out the window and took in the Tokyo night view.


It's stunning. It really is stunning. 


And then I smiled.

I'm home. (*^_^*)

It feels like I never left, but at the same time it feels like I've been away for ages.

One month.

How time flies! I'm staring at my case and can remember packing it to leave for Bangkok like it was yesterday.

Today I was lying in bed for hours, just having that necessary reflection time about everything that's happened over the last month.

The last 2 weeks of the course were so busy, but after I finished on Wednesday, it was all about unwinding every night and lightly suffering every morning. And then it gets to the last night.....it's the last chance you have to do something that you've been wanting to do from the beginning....it's the last chance you have to say something that's boiled up over the duration of the month.

What did I do?

I'm not telling you.

What did I say?

I'm not telling you.

But everything is playing on my mind and leaving me with this really bizarre sense of confusion and to be honest, I really can't work out what it is.....what it means.....either way, I guess it doesn't really matter now, but I feel kinda....grrrrrr....about having something/someone in my head.

Doh! That definitely wasn't supposed to happen! I truly honestly thought I would just go in every day, do my thing and then come back and pick up exactly where I left off. I wasn't expecting to make friends and it's a really nice surprise.

Better than nice.

But then it ends with the same sense of frustration that I always seem to be left with every time I leave Japan. Why can't this person be in the same country as me?!?!?! 

Same old story.

Uffffff....guess I should crack on with this unpacking. 

xoxo