Must. Not. Sleep

I've just got home from work and to be honest, all I wanna do is crawl under the covers and go to sleep.

The temptation is overwhelming.

BUT NO!! I have got soooo much to do before I go away that I just can't afford to take a 4 hour nap!! Which is what it would blatantly turn into. So much washing and cleaning to be done and I actually need to trawl through my emails and find my flights for Tuesday.

2 more days!!! I've progressively felt more and more exhausted this week but I made it the entire week without a can of red bull. The conclusion? I totally need to cut back on my schedule because there's no way that I can keep this up without SOME kind of energy drink!! The other problem is that after this 2 week unpaid stint, I'm looking at another one in June/July for 3 weeks. Given that I'm not sure whether I'm gonna have to be covering the rent myself over July, it's really not the best time to be deciding to earn even less money. Definitely not. PLUS I wanna have a whole load of cash to go shopping with when I go back to London.

Westfield - watch out! I think when I went there last time I blew something close to a grand. Probably one of the main things I miss about London is the shopping. Can't wait!!

Do you know much I HATE handwashing? Totally uffs up your hands and nails - might have to give myself a manicure later.

xoxo

I'm Not Joking...

My room literally looks like a bomb's hit it!!

I can't believe that I let it get into this state. There are clothes, books, bags and papers EVERYWHERE! Every time I come home from work and see it, I promise myself that the next day, I will DEFINITELY tidy up...but it never happens. After these 5am starts, by the time I get home I'm overcome with sheer laziness and I just can't be arsed.

Luckily for me, I always go on a manic clean before I go away on holiday, so I know that I will definitely do it this weekend. =) I'll have to - so much laundry and I wanna take some of that stuff away with me. Plus it's so nice to come back to a sparkling clean house after a break ne?

So much to do and so little time.

xoxo

YAY!!!

I'm on my third day of getting through work without a can (or 3) of red bull.

I never realised how much I really drank until other people started commenting on it. It was then that I realised that I haven't been able to get through a day without some kind of energy drink. I started to get paranoid about what it was doing to my health...not to mention my teeth.

So I've decided to wean myself off of it. I mean, I still love the stuff but I wanna try and not be so reliant on it to get through the day. Today was a bit tough with the early start - I went ot bed early enough but there was an earthquake in Chiba at some stupid time in the morning - like around 3am or something - and it woke me up. After that, I totally couldn't get back to sleep.

So been feeling a lack of genki today - the fact that I made it through is definitely encouraging that I might be able to make it through the rest of the week - prob not Thurs coz that's a seriously long day but I'm gonna try and give it a shot anyway and see how it goes.

Manically busy day tomorrow as well =(

xoxo

Counting Down!

My goodness me!! This time in 9 days I'm gonne be in Bali!!!

That has crept up so fast! No stressing this time though - coz I've been there before, it's just gonna be a matter of going there and then seeing what we all feel like doing. =) Can't wait to just kick back and read book after book, after book.

Everyone always thinks that I must be loaded because I work so much, btu the truth is I blow the whole lot on travelling - and why not? Everyone gets to that point where they just find themselves unable to do it anymore, so I wanna do as much as I can before I become one of those people.

Went for my second laser hair removal session today - I reckon it was just as uncomfortable as the first time but the stinging sensation afterwards is practially non-existent this time round. In fact, I feel like I haven't even had anything done. The procedure is so amazing - even after the first session you could see the difference. The skin is sooooo much smoother and incredibly soft. I just really can't wait until this time next year when it becomes something I never have to worry about again. =)

Yah, feeling good. I still feel like I have a lot on my plate and not enough free time but in 9 days that's all gonna change and it makes this crazy schedule that I have 100% worth it.

xoxo

Do I....

....go and solve what could be a potentially big problem BEFORE I go on holiday and run the risk of spending my entire GW worrying about it and feeling like crap if it IS a big problem...


....or do I wait until I get back from holiday and then run the risk of ruining any chances of enjoying my birthday this year if I find out that it IS a big problem?


Been putting this off for literally YEARS!!!

xoxo

Overwhelmed

Uffff...my emotions seem to be running really high tonight.

I can't pinpoint exactly why...I just feel like I have so much on right now and I can't really handle it all.

Do I wanna write it all down? Yah, go on then...just not sure where to start.

Let's start with my ex-best friend re-entering my life. I've had a few people offer me their thoughts on this situation after I blogged about it before. Two people basically told me that people come and go in and out of your life for a reason. Someone else told me that if I couldn't think of anything positive that she could add to my life, then f*** it.

I'm not gonna lie - I AM a little suspicious of what's going on....I think I'm a little freaked at the ease to which she seems to be able to talk to me again - especially since I'm not there yet. Like, we are mailing and I am talking to her but it's hard to accept her promise that she will never run off on me again when I haven't seen the emotional changes myself. It has to be the same for her, right? I'm willing to see what happens but it's kinda just brought back so many emotions and memories and on top of everything else that's going on right now....I dunno.

Next is the fact that I'm working 7 days a week for the next 2 months. I mean, I'm not working all day, every day but I really have to make up the money that I lost last month and that I'm gonna lose over the next few months through travelling so much. It's not really a big deal but you know I mentioned before that I don't get that one day in the week where I have absolutely nothing to do - I'm telling you - this holiday is coming at the most perfect time.

And then there's the fact that my flatmate is leaving. I think I MIGHT just get a little more time than I thought but it's gonna be hard to find someone who is as easy to live with as him. Our paths barely cross - we go days without seeing each other and whilst I'm not saying that I want the next person who moves in to be the same, I don't want some completely crazy mad partier who is just gonna give me grief. I'm gonna be taking over the lease soon so it's another reason I need to keep the cash coming in - the entire rent and ALL the bills are gonna be coming straight out of my account. Time flies as well so it's something that we need to get started with - especially since I'm gonna be away as well.

Then there's the men - of course men always have to come into it somehow.

The one I'm doing (on occasion!!!) - selfish, insensitive (although I've seen a real improvement in this recently) and doesn't deserve me. Why do I keep doing it? It's an easy, mutual agreement, no stress, no neediness, no hearts and smileys and messages everyday necessary, he's not gonna fall in love with me and we can have a good time with no strings. It's the kinda thing where it'll stop when either of us has something better coming along!!!!! Well - not for him - I have a sneaky suspicion that he MAY have a girl...I'm not sure and he's denied it so that's good enough I guess...but also reason enough why it's impossible for me to fall for or date this guy. My emotions aren't at risk with him.

The one I want - easily the most fantastic guy I have met in a long time. Genuine, hilarous, HOT HOT HOT, wouldn't normally be my "usual" type but you know with me the funny guy always wins, has morals, great listener, super super nice guy, no bullshit, can have a right crack with. The problem? He's completely and utterly emotionally unavailable. Does he know? I made the mistake of telling him...BUT....I also told him that I wouldn't act on it because I know that he's going through some stuff that's gonna take a long time to figure out. What did he say? The classic "you're an awesome girl but I'm emotionally messed up right now". I'm about 80% sure that was to try and spare my feelings. Either way, even if I wait, I'm not sure that that's ever gonna happen. Why? I just honestly don't think I'm his type - too strong, too loud, too opinionated (in a good way!!), too....experienced? And I'm not talking about THAT!!!! What happens now? Nothing.

So yah that's really gay too. LOL! It's just the combination of all these things building up day after day after day and not being able to really deal with them one by one. Everything has to be dealt with at the same time and along with the constant aftershocks and radiation threat, it's just overwhelming to be honest.

xoxo

This Is So Not Cool

There go my nerves again!

That's the second really big quake that we've felt in Tokyo in under a week.

Now I know I was definitely premature in unpacking my evacuation bag! A few weeks ago it really felt like things may have been getting back to some kind of normality and then BAM - a whole series of really big aftershocks have started to hit again.

Apparently, they could last for up to a year.

Great.

After this one, it seems like the whole of Tokyo left work early. I had to wait for 3 trains to pass before I could finally get on the Oedo line and even then, I was crushed even more than usual....with no air con and a whole load of stinky people!!!

Just feeling a little on edge again. As soon as I can muster up the energy I'm gonna repack my evac bag. It feels like this is so far from being over, yet all we can do is wait for the aftershocks to keep on coming and pray that we get through them safely.

It just pulls on my heartstrings to think of everyone in Tohoku. We feel stressed down here but its nothing compared to what they must be feeling up there. It just stirs up memories of my friends...this country has really taken a battering - how much more can it take??

Pray for Japan.

xoxo

What To Do....

God, I feel so confused about stuff right now.

After the quake, I got so many emails from people all over the world checking to see if I'm OK.

Including a mail from someone I fell out with 4 years ago.

It was a shock. It stunned me. She was my bestest, BESTEST friend and after that fall out, we hadn't exchanged a word since. Until now.

It's weird, I'm suddenly full of mixed emotions. Do people really recover friendships after such a long time? One part of me is so happy to hear from her again - happy that she reached out.....the other part of me is confused as to why now? Naturally when there is a natural disaster, it does make you think about what's important and you try to make things in your life better....but I dunno, I just feel really unsure of how to handle this.

We went through so much together and then it was just over. Just like that. No talking about it, no trying to work through it - just complete disconnection. I hadn't thought about her for such a long time and now I find myself smiling at amazing memories that we have.

I want to try and reconcile - I do. I think we just don't know how to go about it. I know for sure that I don't wanna drag up memories of our fallout and try to analyze what happened, but then again are we supposed to just start talking again like nothing has happened? There is now a 4 year gap where we have both changed so much and both our circumstances have changed as well. I just feel really confused by the whole thing - it's been such a long time.

Excited, scared, worried, suspicious, nauseous, laughing, crying, elation....

It's too much.

xoxo

Memories Memories

I uploaded my pics from when I went back to Kyushu last month onto FB.

As I was browsing through them again, I was grinning my arse off at the memories which came flooding back of my 2 years living there.

If I had met me in Tokyo and then looked at those photos, I would never have believed that someone who is so much of a city girl as me, would ever have been able to live there that long.

People forget though, that I grew up in the arse of nowhere anyway! It was a shock at first but with anything in life, you just get used to it. I have to say though I would never have gotten through it without my car and the awesome people that I was surrounded with.

The trip would have been even more awesome if those people had still been there when I went back.

Miss you guys!! Thank you for all the fabulous memories!!

xoxo

Countdown

I have exactly 3 weeks to make some kind of attempt and getting back my Bali body from 2 years ago.

Yah, I know it won't happen but I'm gonna give it a damn good shot! Started back at the gym today after not going for a month. So easy just to slip right back into it - and what made me even happier was seeing that my aqua dance instructor had the tiniest love handles!!!! YAY!!! This woman has a body that would make you cry if you saw it. Perfect, perfect, perfect! But it looks like not even she can hold off a bit of weight gain, which means that the rest of us have a chance!

OMG I am so looking forward to lounging on the beach and getting some sun.

3 weeks.

xoxo

April Already?!

How time flies!!

Things have been so mad, crazy busy over the last week that I haven't had time to update you all with what's going on.

I took a road trip over to Hakone in the middle of the week. It was alll good until I got pulled over and clocked for speeding - literally 5 minutes before I was going to get off the motorway anyway.

Pissed!!

The guy was such a knob as well - he made me sit in the back of a police car which reeked of stale smoke and farts, only to ask me a whoel load of completely non-relevant questions and attempt to give me a lecture about the following the rules of the road.

It was all so pathetic that I had to bite my tongue to stop myself from laughing. Just a fine and a couple of points....but it was enough to make me slow down for the rest of the trip - much harder than it sounds!! Especially in the country, windy, mountain roads which would be so awesome for racing.

Hakone was gorgeous. Just so, so beautiful but it was absolutely DEAD!! The area has been affected by the rolling blackouts and it's had a mammoth effect on business down there. I mean, I'm n ot a big fan of huge crowds in places like that - it totally ruins the expereince - but there was like NO ONE around. A little bit freaky actually.

We also hit up the Gotemba outlets. Man, I was so disappointed!! I've been waiting to go there for so long and even though there were loads of awesome stores there, the stock they had was all out of season or just ghastly...not to mention that the only sizes of anything available seemed to be S or XS. How ridiculous! I still managed to drop a decent amount of money and took advantage of the fact I had a car to pick up some new luggage.

Went out on the town last night - I treated myself to a rare Sunday off - but it was absolutely DEAD!! We went for dinner in Roppongi Hills and because of the earthquake and the effects it's had on businesses, everything was 30% off!! 3 people, dinner and 3 rounds of drinks for under 6000yen. BARGAIN!!

I have NEVER seen Roppongi like that. Hardly anyone walking around and a load of empty bars. The most packed place we went - well, the crowd left much to be desired! LOL - definitely some characters in there.

I can't believe I'm going to Bali in like 3 weeks - so not prepared and I feel like i have so much other stuff to do as well.

*sigh*

xoxo