大丈夫！！！

LOL.

When I think about the reaction that I had yesterday after seeing my ex, I feel like laughing.

It feels so over the top - such an overreaction.

And then I realised.

It's ALWAYS gonna be like that every time I see him. They say that you always love the first person that you fall in love in - maybe that's it, right?

Coz today I'm fine. I don't feel anything - it's almost like I never even saw him yesterday.

Weird huh?

xx

A Big Mistake

Tonight I think I might have made a really big mistake.

No, no, it wasn't a mistake....it just feels like one. Does that even make sense?

I had dinner with my ex.

I don't know why I did it. The worst part is that it was me who suggested it. In a way I wish he would've said no. But he didn't. I think I thought that maybe it would be the last time I see him. He's getting married and moving back to Kyushu and...I dunno...I thought it would be like a final goodbye.

We got on better than ever. It felt like I was just catching up with an old friend. Except it didn't feel like friends - it kinda still felt like we were together. You know when you are just that comfortable with someone? That's what it's like with him. And the crappiest bit is that I know he still cares. I saw everything that I fell in love with and it was so hard just sitting there trying to make myself not care, trying to be angry, fighting against every single feeling that I had. But I just couldn't do it.

He told me about his fiancee. I told him I didn't want to know. But he told me anyway - and I KNOW that he is settling. He's happy....but it's not what we had. He even turned around and told me that if we had met now that we were both older, it would have worked out. He said that he regrets what he did to me and how it ended and that it was all just a real shame. We were too young and selfish back then but we are both so different now.

I could see it as well. We both definitely have grown up...and he's right - I could FEEL that it would've worked if we hooked up now. But he's engaged and now there's no chance of that happening - even if I wanted it to. Which I don't. Maybe.

I dunno, I just feel this massive sense of loss and regret. My heart feels so heavy but I don't have any tears left to shed over it. I accept it but it doesn't mean that it hurts any less. I'm still annoyed that it does hurt. And then I realised...

...I THINK I might still be in love with him.

>_<

Yay!!

I have a day off today!!!

So it means I have to work all weekend - but WHO CARES?!

I just got back from the gym and after a hardcore aqua session I am feeling great! =) Now I have to do all that other crap that I have been putting off for months...like sorting through this every increasing pile of bills and reminder letters that I haven't even opened.

I worked out that it will probably take me until the end of the year to get out of this ghastly financial mess that I'm in. And that means spending the majority of my salary paying these bills. I can't wait until September pay day because that will be my first full month's paycheck since March. Crazy, ne? I can't actually believe I've been surviving in Tokyo on under 140,000 yen a month. It just goes to show that you can if you have to. And I've still been going out and stuff - it's not like I've had to become a hermit...not completely anyway! :P

Gonna make a start on all this crap while I actually have the motivation to do it!

Ciao for now!

xx

What's Going On?!

OMG everywhere I turn someone is getting married or engaged this month.

Did I miss something? What is it about July that is making everyone pop the question??

Maybe everyone's visa is running out? :P

Relax! I'm only kidding!!!

But seriously, I'm losing count of how many people have gotten engaged this month - it's crazy!

Maybe it's an indirect sign that I should be thinking about settling down...hate to disappoint, but that's not going to happen anytime soon!

I went on a date last night with this guy from New Zealand. We were out and suddenly everyone started going crazy and asking for his autograph and picture. I looked at him and was like 'Er...something you wanna tell me?!' He just looked at me and grinned. I asked him if I was supposed to recognise him or something, coz I'm not joking - people were going WILD!! Turns out he is some shit hot famous rugby player!!! LOL!! I don't know a damn thing about rugby - nor do I care!! Hehe! Still, it was kinda cool. And we did have a really good time so I know I'll be seeing him again. There are few words to describe how stunning he is as well. =)

xx

OUCH!

Last night I got a message from my ex.

I hadn't spoken to him in god knows how many months so I didn't even bother replying.

Then when I got home after a fabulous evening out with my girl, the phone rang and it was him.

They always say curiosity killed the cat. I couldn't resist - I HAD to know what he wanted. So I picked up the phone.....WHAT A MISTAKE!!

He had called to tell me...

....that he is getting married.

OUCH!! >_<

In any other situation I would probably actually be happy for him. But then he told me that he had only met this girl 6 months ago and they have only been dating for 2 months...and she lives in Kyushu so he hasn't even spent that much time with her.

WTF?!

So I'm like why are you telling me this?! He told me that he had proposed recently...and then it clicked. He's just turned 30. And he had always told me that he wanted to be married by 30....a lil mid life crisis maybe that he's just gone and rushed into this?! Makes sense.....but to be honest I can't say I care...I'm just SHOCKED.

And disappointed that he isn't marrying someone that he is crazy about I guess. It just feels WEIRD and put a damper on what had beena really great night. If I thought he was getting married for the right reasons that I would be so happy for him - honestly. But I just have this niggling feeling that that's not the case and I'm annoyed that he told me.

Ignorance really is bliss sometimes.

xx

Jade Is WOW!!

That is the feedback that my manager received about me from the girl that did my training yesterday.

=)

やった！！

You all know that I was really worried going into my sales training.

Not just because I've only been at the company for a short time but because I was worried my lack of sales experience would show.

In a nutshell?

I absolutely killed it.

And that's not just me being bigheaded - the feedback that I got absolutely blew my mind and embarrassed me to the max. I've never been good at taking high levels of praise and today was no exception. It wasn't even just the praise - after the exam I was told that I was the 3rd person in over 300+ trainees to ever get a perfect score on the post training test.

Wow.

It's insane!!

And extremely flattering at the same time. Don't get it wrong - this was no written exam. It was a practical exam in which we had to actual present in front of someone and show them how we would conduct the meeting.

I wasn't even aware of the natural people skills that I possessed until today. And just thinking about them makes me blush to be honest. It really is so flattering - I have no words for the feeling.

Onwards and upwards - I'm really excited about where this job is taking me!! And the best bit is that I can feel that I will actually go somewhere in this company. Something I never felt as an ALT and something I felt in my last company but I knew would take years to happen.

I can't believe how much I love my job right now. What a great feeling! =)

xx

£££

I may not actually get it until the end of next month, but I am FINALLY earning some money.

And even though next month still won't be a full pay check, it's more than I have earnt in a long time.

I know I'm working hard and some people think it's crazy how many classes I have a day but I believe that it will pay off in the long wrong. A few months of hard slog and then I should have established myself enough that I can cut back on my schedule and have my clients come with me.

At least that's what I'm hoping.

I start my sales training tomorrow...it's exciting but I'm so bored of training sessions and I really have no idea how this one is gonna go. I really can't wait until the weekend when I can try and catch up on my sleep.

And that sunset pic is still taking my breath away. I hope you guys appreciate it as much as I do.

xx

You See?

Check out the picture above.

This is the sunset we saw on Monday while we were having dinner at a cute little restaurant in Zushi.

You can see Mount Fuji, that rock and a pine tree which is over 100 years old.

There are no words for that sky. It's STUNNING.

Enjoy.

xx

Blinder!!!

Man I have just had the most awesome 3 day weekend.

My boys were up from Kyushu and even though I was completely knackered, deprived of sleep and hadd a destroyed liver, we made it out every night and just had the best time.

ageHa on Friday night was OFF THE HOOK. Easily the best night I've had there by a mile. I never even thought I'd make it until 5 because I was working all day and just shattered. But it was so great to just be out with my friends and we just ripped up the dancefloor and got wasted.

Depite a stinking hangover on Saturday we made it out to Akasaka for lunch and then hit up Akihabara where we went to a maid cafe. Definitely an experience not to be repeated!! Then Roppongi in the evening. I'm not really a massive fan but we went to my favourite reggae bar....and then I was responsible and came home coz I had to work on Sunday.

Sunday night we met some of my friend's friends and went to an izakaya in Shinjuku before meeting some people in Nichome. Another experience my friends probably don't wanna repeat in their lifetime but I still think it's great that they were seeing all these different sides of Tokyo!!!! Sorry boys!

On Sunday we went down to Shonan beach in Kamakura. It was a whopping 36.2 degrees and I loved every minute of it!! After that we went to meet my friend's mum in Zushi, where we went to a stunning restaurant and got to see the most perfect sunset over Mount Fuji and the beach. It took my breath away. I'm gonna upload the photos later but you're gonna cry when you see it. It was THAT beautiful.

Good times. It just sucks that it had to end with a goodbye - one of my boys is going back to New Zealand next month. But it's all good - I know I'm gonna see him soon so I didn't see the point in getting ridiculously upset. Pah! More like I didn't wanna get back on the train with huge red puffy eyes! LMAO!!!

I really LOVE Tokyo!!!!

xx

Done by 1

15.45 and I'm at home.

Now THAT'S what I'm talking about!!

Start work at 7am, have the last lesson finish at 1.40pm and home by 3.

I wish I could afford to work like that everyday.

I was supposed to work until 4pm (which would still have been nice) but I didn't have any lessons booked. I know that if I hung around I could probably gotten one more...but it would've been at 4pm and i didn't wanna wait around.

Think I'm gonna have a nice snooze now before my private at 6pm. Then I'll be all refreshed for the gym later!! Maybe. LOL.

xx

Poor Alex =(

I just watched the latest episode of So You Think You Can Dance.

I absolutely LOVE watching this show! I think it's coz I just love dancing and I love watching all the different styles. The greatest thing about it is that ANYONE can dance. I remember the winners of season 4 and season 6 were a hip hopper and a crumper - neither had had any formal training and there they were doing all these different styles of dancing. It's amazing.

Anyway, in the last episode, Alex, who is a stunning, trained ballet dancer, did the most INCREDIBLE routine with Twitch from season 4 to a Tabetha and Napolean number. I absolutely ADORE these choreographers. It was such a good move to bring them into the show. The routine was stunning, the dancers were stunning and it is definitely up there amongst my faves across seasons 3-7.

In rehersals this week, Alex ruptured his achilles tendon which means that he was automatically in the bottom three. Because the injury was so serious, naturally they had no choice but to disqualify him from the show. I mean, it makes sense - the guy can't dance - but it's just DEVASTATING and I feel for him so badly because he forfeited his place at a top ballet academy to go onto the show and now he's injured and can't continue. And it's awful for the viewers as well because I LOVE watching him dance and when he dances, especially contemporary numbers, he is absolute stunning and exquisite and is just beautiful.

But I don't think anyone will forget that hip hop routine. In fact, I think I'm going to watch it again now! Must be the 100th time but I just can't get enough of it.

I wish Adochike was out - he's really starting to irritate me!

xx

Nope, Not Yet

What the hell?!

How am I not over this stupid jetlag yet?!

I was in bed at like 10pm or something last night and just listened to music until I fell asleep. And then I woke up at 4am...and then 6.30am. I set my alarm for 8.45 so that I could get up and go to the gym (I am DYING to work out again!!), but when the alarm went off, I jumped up to get in the shower and then suddenly felt REALLY sick. I thought I was gonna throw up. I decided it was coz I was hungry and went out to get breakfast but it didn't help. So with a sigh, I crept back under the covers and tried to get some more sleep.

I woke up again at 10.30.....and then my alarm went off at noon. And I am STILL feeling exhausted. Does it get worse as you get older or something? I don't remember it being this bad when I came back from the UK last year. Having said that, the time difference is greater and I haven't done the States-Japan flight before.

I'm just debating now whether I should stay up or go back to bed for a couple of hours before I start work. I won't finish until 10pm tonight, so the last thing I want is to be feeling like crap...even more than I do already. I wanna go out and get some food though because I refuse to get caught in the trap that I have been during the last couple of months, where I NEVER eat at home.

I'm absolutely broke so I think I might head out....

...after a bit more sleep?

xx

Jetlag

Man, I am really struggling with this jetlag lark.

Normally I'm OK coming back to Japan, but I'm feeling just as bad as I did when I arrived in NY. I stayed up until like 11.30pm yesterday trying to keep my body clock in check, but then I woke up at 6.30am and by 8am, I gave up on sleeping.

since then I've been feeling knackered all day. I went back to bed for a couple of hours at noon and then again at 4. I've just woken up and I didn't have a clue whether it was coming up to 7am or 7pm!! And I STILL feel shattered! So glad that I took the day off work today - but it's back to teaching tomorrow and I'm just hoping that I feel better than I do now otherwise it's gonna be a long and hard day in the office!!

xx

Big Ego

Man, my head swelled to like 50 times its normal size when I was in the States.

The compliments, the constant being hit on, the dates...how could it NOT?

The best thing I heard?

From a cop.

I was walking around the financial district and this policeman comes up to me and says really seriously "Ma'am, you want to be careful".

The look on his face and the tone of his voice mad me panic because he was so serious and I couldn't work out what was wrong. I started checking my bag, my skirt, everything! Then he smiles and says to me...

"You're going to kill people with thar smile".

*Groan*

I was like a kid in a candy shop in Miami. I had no idea where to look! A city crammed with gorgeous mixed race guys with those light eyes that just KILL me every single time. Such a sucker for those boys - it was awesome!! Hehe!

In NY I saw something that I have never seen before in my entire life. I actually left a guy PROPERLY speechless. I saw it's never happened before because you normally see it with young boys but this guy was like in his 40s and couldn't say a damn word. Me and my friends were looking at him like WTF?! Pull yourself together. It was hilarious and proper weird at the same time. Definitely a first. He couldn't even say a single word, stuttering, going blank and unable to string a sentence together. He turned his back on us to compose himself but when he turned around and I flashed him a smile, it happened all over again! LOL!

But yah, now that I'm back in Japan and surrounded by homogeneousness, my ego has very much deflated.

=(

Probably a good thing! That kind of attitude gets you nowhere!

Like I really believe that!

xx

Back, Black and Broke

It feels like I've been away for ages and not been anywhere at the same time.

I've just had a wicked couple of weeks. Exhausting. But fabulous. I'm trying to stay up and got o bed at my normal time to try and make the jetlag a bit easier. I read for the entire duration of the flight, getting through 3 of the 4 Twilight Saga books. Pretty impressive, huh?

I saw Eclipse while I was in NY. Not the norm I know, but at 8 dollars a ticket, how could I resist! Plus it's fabulous to know that I've come back to Japan and no one else has seen it yet. I absolutely LOVED it - the best one so far by a mile. By a billion miles. It was absolutely hilarious to hear every single female in the cinema gasp when Jacob was on screen shirtless for the first time. My god - I was on Team Edward before and have jumped so fast onto the Jacob bandwagon!! The most PERFECT skin and the BEST back!! It was impossible not to inhale sharply every time he was on screen.

I've gone a bit Twilight mad to be honest. I was so bored on the flight on the way over and so determined not to let that happen again that I bought 6 books at the airport, including the entire Twilight Saga series. Set me back a small fortune but it was entirely worth it. Never has a long haul flight passed by so fast. I love books that you just can't put down. But now my eyes are burning with the lack of sleep. Just a little bit longer untill I can sink my head onto the soft pillow....every bone in my body is screaming at me to rest but I just can't bear the thought of waking up at some stupid time in the morning and then not being able to get back to sleep. Coz that really sucks.

xx