It's that time of year already?!

I can't believe that on Monday I would've been in Japan for a year. How fast has the time gone?

It's only now that I'm renovating my apartment with my friends that are leaving's stuff that it's dawned on me.

It has gone fast but at the same time it does feel like I have been here for a long time. But I guess that's just normal.

Although it's safe to say that I am so not ready to say goodbye to some people. Some people I think I would do anything for them to stay here with me. Only because I'm scared of what their leaving means for our future relationships.

I always knew that one of these people would be leaving....but as for the other....that's just come as a massive blow that seems to be impossible to deal with. And there remains an air of uncertainty about how the future of that relationship is going to work out.

But one can only hope that it does.

Summer Fatigue

It is so hot right now that after work all I wanna do is sleep.

I'm also finding that this hot weather is making me extremely irritable and unreasonable. Getting angry at small things, shouting at people for things that I shouldn't be and then not even apologising....

I dunno.

Just need it to cool down!!

Load of rubbish

It's such a pain dealing with rubbish here. All I wanna do is dump a bed and a sofa. Simple right?

Hell no!! So I have to get a sticker, call a number, and then shove the stuff outside my apartment and wait for someone to come and pick it up.

How the hell am I supposed to get a bed and a sofa down the stairs by myself?! Well, that was my first thought. And then I proceeded to get pissed off at the fact that i have to BUY a damn sticker!! How ridiculous is that?!

I get so ARRRRGGGHHHH with the way this country does things sometimes!! Always making things way more complicated than they are.

Rediscovering childhood

You know what I have loved most about being a primary school teacher? Making flashcards.

And you know why? Because I love colouring in.

I loved colouring books as a child. And when I got here I got to use big waxy crayons all over again. Colouring in big pictures in block colour. I got a certain satisfaction from it because everything I made looked so good afterwards.

i still get excited when I see big waxy crayons in shops. I always want to buy some. Yesterday when I was shopping I noticed that Crayola had brought out twistable crayons. Crayons that you don't have to peel or sharpen. Unable to resist I bought some! I did manage to refrain from buying the 24 pack though and settled for the 8 pack.

Now all I need is something to colour in!

xx

Absent friends

It's a really sad thing when someone gets to that best friend status and then leaves.

You've invested so much time into that person and then out of the blue they announce they're leaving. Even when the departure date has been known for a long time, it doesn't make it any easier.

You then get to that stage where you think 'Who am I going to do so and so with now?'

And then you start mentally going through the rest of your friends for replacements.

Is that bad?

Because it means that whoever you choose to spend your time with after your Best Friend has gone is simply second best. If your best friend was still here you wouldn't be doing that thing with that person.

A part of me thinks that in a way that's kinda insulting to the replacement. But at the same time I guess it's completely inevitable...

...and i'm preparing my replacements now!

xx

Countryside lover

The more and more time I spend here, the more I'm loving the countryside.

Maybe I wouldn't feel the same if the beach wasn't 20-30mins away....

...but before when I was here, surrounded by mountains and rivers, I used to think 'God, I wish I was in Tokyo'.

But then every time I go there I only enjoy myself for a short amount of time. Mainly because I DETEST public transport there!

People say that Japanese people are perhaps the politest people on Earth. They sure as hell aren't in Tokyo! Take the rush hour train. Back home when it's blatant that you can't physically get on the train, you simply wait for the next one. Not in Tokyo. People stand in front of the door and then ram everyone backwards with their arses and elbows until they're on the train. Getting a seat is probably worse and you are inevitably going to have someone's groin rammed into your face.

Makes the tube seem so much more bearable...even if there is no air con. Even in Hong Kong people waited if it was so obvious that there was no room for more people to get on. They didn't barge their way into a full carriage. Although the whole concept of 'let the passengers off first' doesn't seem to exist in any Asian country.

I was on the beach on Saturday and it was so beautiful it made me realise it really isn't that bad living where I do.

Sometimes.......

Books

Normally I wouldn't buy a load of books back home. Just because they're so expensive.

But that doesn't seem to stop me here. It started in Hong Kong when I found this mammoth bookshop with EVERYTHING in English. I bought like 4 books.

Then yesterday I was shopping in Fukuoka and actually found a bookshop that had English books that weren't just Penguin classics and bought 3 more. At about £7 a go. Something that would never happen back home.

I drew the line at paying 7quid for a magazine in English though!

I love Hong Kong

I had an amazing weekend in Hong Kong.

And not only because everyone spoke English or the amazing shopping!

I felt so at home there. Hong Kong has only been part of China for 11 years so the British influence runs deep.

The skyline took my breath away, no matter how many times I looked at it. The food made my mouth water. We stayed away from the mainstream big restaurants and opted for the 'dirty' street food instead. And it was stunning. Japanese food is so bland in comparison.

I was so sad to leave. I'm actually finding it a bit......hard being back in Japan now after being there and having such an amazing time. I've now decided to do a stint livign there before finally coming back to England. I'm thinking a year depending on the kind of work I can get there. Which definitely WON'T be teaching - everyone speaks good enough English already! Plus I don't want to teach after I leave here......

I miss it already!

xx

Seriously excited!!

Typical that the weather has been absolutely gorgeous and now I'm bout to go to Hong Kong a typhoon comes.

That shags my plans of getting stunning pictures...and i HATE shopping in the rain. :-(

However, I am still ridiculously excited about going. I haven't been abroad for 2 months. Which doesn't sound like a long time but it is for me! And Hong Kong is somewhere I've wanted to go for a long time.
I spent so much time this morning planning an itinerary and I could hardly sit still at my desk.

It's gonna be amazing. A very special and important weekend.

xx

GET THE FUCK OFF ME!!

That is what I wanted to SCREAM at my 小学校の２年生 classes today.

At any other schools when you tell the kids to stop it they do. But not at this school.

The little shits never stop clambering and tugging on your clothes, slapping your ass, pulling whatever you've got in your hands from you, sticking their fingers in dirty places and then trying to touch you. YUCK!

But what really got my back up today..

..first, this kid who quite frankly is an eyesore, kept stepping on the back of my flip flops while i was walking. I don't know how many different ways I tried to tell him to stop but he didn't. I wanted to just shove his face onto the floor.

...second, this annoying girl who I just hate anyway kept saying bye to me. OVER AND OVER AGAIN!! and then proceeded to follow me to the staff room still shouting GOODBYE and then to my car. I just stopped responding but that didn't stop her.

yeh yeh yeh they're just kids blah blah blah. But they don't act like that in any of my other 4 primary schools so I'm allowed to bitch.

It's only this school that I feel so negatively towards the kids. They just haven't got a clue about boundaries. And they do my nut every week. They don't even register my irritated voice, even when I'm speaking to them in Japanese.

Punks.

SODS Law

Why is it that when things are awesome something has go and fuck it up?

You go through that patch where everything is a bit shitty - you're feeling ill or rowing with someone or having a crappy time at work.

And then everything gets better - just like that. And things are REALLY REALLY good. And you're happy.

Why can't it stay like that?

*sigh*

HOUSE

So after finishing Season 4 of Lost, Season 2 of Heroes, Seasons 1-3 of How I Met Your Mother and Season 1 of Gossip Girl, I've now started watching House.

Quite a nice change watching medical shows actually - I'd forgotten how much I like them.

And then I realised how much of a sitcom addict I've become since I've been here! I think it comes from not being able to bear crap Japanese TV. I did get into a J-drama but that finished after just 15 episodes! A far cry from a 22 episode American sitcom. Other than that I generally get annoyed with Japanese TV. The way they subtitle everything unnecessarily and it's just NOT FUNNY!!

So it's not surprising really that I've ended up watching so much TV online! I've steadily been working my way through season 1 of House and I love it! Just will Cameron and House get it on?!

Watch this space!!

xx

Burnt to a Crisp

I am in so much pain!!!

I went camping at the weekend. I love camping on the beach - chilling, relaxing, BBQ, frisbee, beer, champagne and friends.

The weather was GORGEOUS. It was boiling on Sunday....so much so that none of us thought anything about spending 10 hours outside. Too hot in the tent - let's get in the water!! HOW STUPID can we be sometimes?!

Now I have a face the colour of a lobster. And everywhere burns. My shoulders are the worst - sleeping is so painful!!

So dumb. I have no idea why at any point that we were all screaming 厚い！that none of us thought to seek any shade. And we are all paying the price now!

ARGH!

The future or the here and now?

Realistically, how far into the future can you plan ahead? Or even think ahead? Is it ridiculous to try and think about how things might possibly work out in 2 years time?

Maybe, maybe not. I don't think that there's anything wrong with thinking ahead in order to protect yourself. Thinking だけ。And just because you're thinking about the future, it doesn't mean that you're not thinking about the here and now as well. It doesn't stop you from enjoying what's going on right now.......why can't someone think about both?

Things happen, things change - of course they do! But it doesn't mean that it's bad to think so far ahead!

Man up, girl!

If you look back over the years and think how you once were, the change really is incredible.

I would never have thought I would be a teacher 2 years ago. In fact, it was probably one of the careers that I avoided like the plague.

And yet here I am.

I have changed so much over the years...and whilst the changes are good, it's still a little bit scary to see how differently you react in certain situations than you used to. Whilst you may used to be as strong as a piece of steel, that piece of steel has thinned over the years, rusted and is now more susceptible than it was once.

But that doesn't mean the end of the world! Right now i'm looking to get that inner strength back without losing any of the qualities that I have discovered over the last few years.

Things are as big a deal as you wanna make them...so I've told myself today....

Man up, girl!!

My Apology to My Past

I am in agony right now. Maybe agony is too strong a word, but I am definitely hurting.

I don't think I have ever experienced pain on this level. And I have absolutely no idea how to deal with it!!

To all the men that I screwed over in the past....to the men that fell in love with me and I trampled all over you and thought it was funny...I'M SORRY. To the men I purposely made feel inadequate and small because I could....I'M SORRY. To the men I turned into pathetic wrecks and then cruelly dismissed...I'M SORRY.

You will be pleased to know that Karma does exist. And I am paying the price right now. But you may or may not be pleased to know that I couldn't be any further from that person right now. Love has softened me and changed me for the better.

I think yesterday I may I learnt the very valuable lesson that necking a bottle of wine on an empty stomach doesn't make everything better. The pain is still there when you sober up.

Ideas on pain management please!!

Long Distance

Do long distance relationships work? I've never been a believer myself. I don't think I could cope with constantly wondering what my man was doing and who he was doing it with. I think it would turn me into a paranoid, jealous wreck. I think that a couple must have seriously profound trust for a long distance relationship to work.

I mean, people who are working with me have chosen to have a long distance relationship. And I applaud them because it is something that i would NEVER choose to do. EVER. But what happens when it may be forced upon you? What happens when you have to come to terms with the fact that you may only see your boyfriend/girlfriend once every couple of months after you've been seeing them twice a week? How does it work? DOES it even work?

I would REALLY love to know your opinions on this. Because personally, the thought of having to go through it breaks my heart. :-(

Yer havin' a laugh!

I used to be able to fill up my car with just over 3000yen (15quid).

I filled it up today for nearly 4000 (20 quid).

The price of petrol here has suddenly shot up thanks to all that crap going on in Saudi Arabia. Japan is barely behind the UK now when it comes to petrol prices. When I was back in London at Xmas, petrol had just reached over £1. Having said that, that was 7 months ago, so God knows what it is now! But I was so happy that running a car in Japan was that much cheaper....but not anymore!

Great...just what I need when I have just over a tenner to last me until payday...2 weeks away!!

Guess that's tchau tchau to my social life!!

Dolls

I was told I look like a doll twice yesterday.

I was shopping at the fabulous Tosu Outlets. The sales there was amazing...although lucky for me I had no cash and the ATM had already closed for the day. Unlucky for my man....he had his credit card. Coach and Armani are my weakness there. I always end up buying something from those 2 stores. Although I was really good yesterday and managed to restrain for buying a 200quid pair of STUNNING Armani shoes....they were like 60% off and devilishly high. I have a picture which I'll post when I can be arsed!

Coach's sale on the other had was so good there was no way in hell I could leave empty handed. And I didn't! Muahahahhahahaha!!

Anyway, so while I was browsing in COACH deciding which of the fabulous bags I wanted to buy, one of the sales girls told my man that I looked like a doll. I have no idea why. Then when I was trying on the fabulous shoes in Armani, that sales girl said I looked like Barbie!! I was like wtf?! I asked my man what he thought they meant and even he was stumped. I was wearing a long summery halter neck dress, had wild blonde girls, pink flip flops and was carrying a mammoth pink bag and oversized sun glasses....just like Barbie eh?!

Lies, Lies, Lies

I was talking to my friend last night about lies. And trust.

Personally, trust is a very difficult thing for me. I guess I was brought up to always be suspicious of people. If you don't give someone all your trust then it can't hurt as much if you get let down. So no one has ever had 100% of my trust. And probably never will. It's a defense mechanism.

I don't like being lied to. There is a difference between lying and not telling the whole truth. I'm talking about when you ask someone something outright and they LIE to you. It's those kind of lies which I find offensive and feel hurt when someone lies to me. Hurt and sad that that person could not tell me the truth. But that only applies when the lie that that person told actually affects me personally.

Let me be a bit clearer. My friend looked me in the eye and lied about something. To be honest, if I was in that person's situation I would have lied too. But I didn't feel upset that that person couldn't tell me the truth because it doesn't affect me personally. When I asked that person why they felt that they had to lie to me, they did admit that it was because of the circumstance, but then also correctly pointed out that I don't tell that person everything, so why should they tell me everything? A very fair and valid point.

Hmmmm......when you see that someone lies to you, for me they automatically lose their right to your trust. Whether you choose to trust that person is an entirely personal decision.

But my friend and I agreed that there definitely are things that you SHOULD lie about. No one can be (or shouldn't be) honest about EVERYTHING 100% of the time. Sometimes those little white lies can actually prevent a situation from happening or getting worse. For example, we said that in a relationship, you should never reveal the true number of people that you have slept with. That way you can prevent feelings of jealousy, insecurity and all that crap. No matter what that true number is, always say somewhere between 5-10. That's a nice respectable number. No one wants to know how many times their man/girl has been around the block.

So you see, sometimes you have to lie. Sometimes you should lie. But the majority of the time you shouldn't FEEL that you have to lie. Plus lies always come back to bite you in the arse!

You have been warned!

xx

Snotty kids

Funny how you react differently to children...whether they're boys girls, cute, ugly - you get my drift.

I'm so used to being a human climbing frame now. But not for the fat kids.....or the ones that have snot encrusted all over their faces. They come near you and you try so hard to give them the same treatment...then you see the state of their faces, screw your own up and do anything to keep them away from you. Just like when they sit they picking their noses and then try and touch you.

EEEEEEUUUUUUUUUUWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!

But then again last week I did get a shock when the most gorgeous little girl proudly lifted up her arse and let rip....nice.

The weather

It's happened...I've started sweating again. It's soooo gross - you're like standing in front of a class and you can feel the sweat trickling down your back. The humidity today made it especially bad and to be honest, just makes me really, really tired. Guess the late night I had last night is playing a part in that too.

I also think that it doesn't help that you can't eat PROPERLY here. Fruit and veg is ridiculous. I saw a melon in the supermarket for 20 quid! 20 quid?! For an effing MELON?! I don't eat any fruit or veg because it's too damn EXPENSIVE! I'm never gonna moan about a punnet of strawberries costing 4 quid ever again. And that's a promise.

20 quid for a melon?! Seriously.....

I'm awesome

I considered teaching as a career when I was younger but that quickly disappeared. i didn't come to Japan to teach - I came to learn Japanese....

...you have good teaching days and bad teaching days. This morning (and yesterday actually) were AWESOME teaching days. I love it when I can make my 14/15 year olds have fun. Never underestimate their competitiveness. I had even the coolest, sulkiest kids jumping up to answer questions I didn't know they could even read! I feel happy for them since they spent the last academic year never straying from the book. I wasn't allowed to play games with them. But now I've been given a free reign in the classroom, they now think I'm awesome. Not that they didn't think I'm awesome before of course ;-)

You gotta love the kids

Before I came to Japan, I was never a fan of children. But I have to say you could be having the shittiest day ever...yet when you walk into elementary school those kids are guaranteed to put a smile on your face.

Every time

:-)

Japanese men

Dating a Japanese guy is a challenging and damn frustating experience.

A girl will never be THAT important to a Japanese guy. The most important things to a Japanese guy are his blog, drinking and his job. Girls don't even come close to these 3 things.

Back home if someone thinks booze is more important than a girl....well, that's called alcohol addiction.

Japanese women put up with this. If you date a Japanese guy you have to accept this.

Problem...I don't. How the hell can a virtual life and alcohol be more important than a person?!

*sigh*