Urgh...

I can't even begin to explain to you how done I am with teaching. I think today just pushed me over the edge and made me realise that I've hit THAT point.

I've run out of patience with everything - dumb kids, quiet kids, naughty kids, loud kids, shy kids...the dumb and shy kids kill me the most. I literally don't have the patience to deal with them any more - and the worst bit? I don't care.

You put so much time and effort into kids and at the end of the day they just don't give a shit. They're just a bunch of ungrateful little *******. Right from the age of 3 up until their teens. I'll let the babies off the hook because, well, after all they ARE just babies. But when I spend so much time on lesson prep and trying to come up with new and original ideas, I am so sick of the lack of response - especially from the older classes who just wanna talk bullshit all the time. I am so done with it.

Of course, not everyone I teach is awful and I do have some great moments but I really think enough is enough. I just now need to figure out what the next step is. I can't leave Japan yet because I came here for the language. I didn't come here to be a teacher and if I was to leave the country now, then the last 3 years would have meant absolutely nothing.

I just wanna get paid to travel. I mean, everyone does, right? I remember wanting to be Jill Dando so badly...and then she got shot and I got scared. But I see so many documentaries where people are just going to different countries to check out the food, or the sites and I would love to do something like that. Thing is though, most people who have those jobs are already in TV or journalism already. I was talking about this to one of my friends in Australia this evening, and he was telling me that I should totally just save up a load of money and then seriously travel and document it, and then take it to the TV stations. Naturally I would need other people in on this with me - especially to help with the production side of things...LOL - it would be so gutting if they turned it down though! Although I guess the experience in itself would've made the whole thing worthwhile.

Definitely something to think about.

That doesn't mean to say that I have ditched the FCO idea. I'm just looking for something a little more fulfilling RIGHT NOW. I guess I'm just not ready to settle into any ONE job - I'm still moving around a lot and I still have a lot of travelling to do before I get serious about anything. It's a big wide world out there and I want to see it.

Of course, being paid to see it would just be amazing. I'm definitely going to look into it a bit more when I come back from my Golden Week holiday. I don't really have the time to give it the research that it needs right now.

All I know for sure if that I've really had it with teaching. And it's always that school that I hate that makes me feel this way.

xx