It's Over

It finally happened.

I split up with my boyfriend.

The last month has been pure heartache for me. I hit a point that I have never been before in my entire life. My heart is broken and I'm scared about the length of time that it's going to take to fix it.

But now I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders.

Why?

Because now I know EXACTLY where I stand. Now I don't have to worry. Now I don't have to wonder why he's not answering my calls, what he's doing and who he's doing it with. I don't have to be brutally quizzed every time I go to a bar or a club about who I went with and what I did.

We were dating for nearly 15 months.

My longest relationship.

He turned me into a softie. I completely let me guard down and I gave him my heart. Anyone who knows me knows how much I loved this man.

We have fantastic memories. He became my best friend, my travel partner. He was the guy I wanted to marry.

And then he left. He moved away and everything changed. I saw him a lot at first. And then he became busy and I became broke.

Obviously the reasons for the split run a lot deeper than this. But they're reason I don't wish to divulge. Because they're private.

We're both sad. I only recently realised this had to happen. The heartache was killing me to a point where I couldn't even keep my food down and I burst into tears in the middle of a lesson. I couldn't go on like that. It would kill me. I stepped on the scales at the gym today for the first time since.....maybe I started?

I was 58kilos when I joined the gym.

I'm 53kilos now.

I know I know!!!! But it wasn't intentional. And I promise you that I will be doing everything I can to put the weight back on. I've been so low over the last month and it's affected every aspect of my life.

But now I feel that I have some kind of closure. But that does not mean that I'm not upset.

Because I am.

I said before. My heart is broken. He did this to me. I'm scared of the pain. It hurts so much.

I need your help and support to fix it. I can't do it by myself. And seeing it all down in writing has made me realise how real all of this is.

And now it's really starting to hurt.