GUTTED

I didn't get my transfer to Tokyo.

And now I am completely torn on what to do.

I thought I was totally set on going anyway.

But then I realised I really like it here and I'm not sure I wanna leave. That's what one side of me is saying.

The other side is saying that that's just a panic reaction. Because if I go to Tokyo, I'm doing this alone. No supervisor. I'd have to find a job and a flat and sort out loads of crap by myself.....and my Japanese still isn't up to that level.

But more than anything, I'm worried I'm not actually gonna be able to afford to live there. I haven't saved anything and initially, I'm gonna have to put a lot of money out there and I'm worried that without a regular income, I won't be able to stay there.

And once I quit this job, there's no turning back.

I know I do want to go - it's time to start advancing into the career I want and I shouldn't be taking the easy route.

But at the same time I do want to stay. I really do.

Torn.

:-(