You Are Not Alone

I just got back from a party.

It's always great to see certain people who, because of where they live, I don't get to see so often. And it was also nice to see (in the kindest possible way) that other people are feeling the loneliness of having good friends leave. Not that I want to see other people feeling as blue as I have been, but it's good to know that other people are going through the same thing.

But then I started thinking and observing everyone else. They all have their own way of dealing with stuff. Some people are able to carry on (or at least pretend to carry on) completely as usual. Even though someone they care about has just left.

I wonder if they really are putting on a mask or whether they've just got over it....I mean, here it's easy to think you have a close friendship with someone but then when leave some people are just kinda like 'meh, oh well'. To me that makes me think that the friendship is false.

I've had a false friendship here. And I didn't even realise it was false until that person left without even saying goodbye. You feel it when a true friend leaves. And I'm not able to put on a mask and pretend that everything's OK. I need the time to actually deal with the fact that that person isn't here anymore.

But being alone at home isn't the answer. That's why I went to the party even though I really didn't want to. Being there made me realise how much I've changed in just a year. Because I came hear a year ago, it's that kinda time when you start to reflect.

And it's also made me realise how much I miss certain people that are still here. I'm definitely going to start making more of an effort with those people....you always say you'll hook up but then you go back to your own towns and then you kinda just...don't.