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I've just finished 'What Should I Do With My Life' by Po Bronson.
And it's led me to ask myself if I'm happy. And if I'm doing what I'm doing because it's what I WANT to do.
The career path I'm looking at is gonna take years to get into - rather, the status I wanna be at is gonna take years to reach.
I see school friends getting married and having children. I'm so far from being at that stage right now, but it's also something that I've been thinking about more and more. I'm absolutely surrounded by happy couples, people holding hands, people being invited to weddings and christenings and it does make me sad to think that I'm no way near happiness on that level. It doesn't mean that I don't want to be there - it just hasn't happened yet.
Tokyo is my fresh start. Tokyo is my chance to reinvent myself and start doing the things that I want to do to advance my career.
Anything that comes with that is a bonus.
Four months on and it still hurts as if it happened yesterday.
But now I've realized that I can't let this keep hurting me the way that it has been.
The biggest problem? I'M the one that's stopping myself from moving on.
Why?
Because I don't want you out of my life.
I just don't know how to move on AND have you in my life.
Does it have to be one or the other?
Is there a way to have both?
Please help me move on.
I can't take this suffering anymore.
xx
LOVED it. Loved it, loved it, LOVED it.
Out of all the cities I've been to in Japan, Kyoto is my favourite by a MILE. I can't believe I've been here for nearly 2 years and I've only just made it there.
I was there for 5 days and it was absolutely freezing. If it wasn't for the sakura, I would've thought it was winter. Everyone was wrapped up in scarves, gloves and hats and it even snowed a little bit one day. And there I was with a case full of T-shirts! Obviously I had to go shopping for some warmer clothes! Hehe!
Kyoto is absolutely beautiful. It is so culturally rich and has gorgeous streets, awesome nightlife, and a great shopping area. I was super impressed with the bus system. You could get unlimited travel for 500yen a day and the city is so well connected and the buses were so easy to use - it was awesome! I had more bus rides in 5 days than I've had in years. It was really cool as well because the bus stops had this progress thingy where you could see where the bus was up to 4 stops before you were getting on. So you know exactly when the bus is gonna arrive.
I absolutely exhausted myself sightseeing and going out every night. With the exception of the first night, I averaged about 3.5 hours of sleep a day. My legs and feet were screaming at me to rest but there was so much to see and so little time and a LOT of walking! I was hitting up an average of 5-6 places a day and spent the afternoons wandering around the shops and the little side streets which were absolutely gorgeous.
I had such a blindin time. Seriously. After Shikoku, I just enjoyed the trip SO MUCH and being back in Saga has made me realise how desperately I needed that break. So badly. I loved it so much, I started thinking about whether I'm making the wrong decision moving to Tokyo. Then I got my focus back. I adore Kyoto and I know I could happily live there, but the opportunities I need to kickstart my career are in Tokyo. But I think I will still keep an eye out to see if anything crops up in Kyoto as well. I'm not in any rush to go back to England, so it wouldn't hurt to make a stop there for a while. ut if I did, it would have to be something relevant to what I want to do. That's the condition.
I also got to catch up with a friend that moved there a few months back. Don't even get me started on how great it was to see him. I had such a fantastic time - I knew it was gonna be a great trip. I will definitely be making a stop there again. Definitely.
LOVED it.
Plenty of pics to come.
Bear with me!
xx
i luv u
u don't luv me
u broke my heart
and u are still hurting me
why do u lie to me?
i beg u to tell me the truth
i'm on a path to self destruction
and it's all your fault
i can't forgive u
i want to forget u
but i can't stop loving u
i'm fucked
Iya Valley, Kagawa Ken Last weekend (the long one), I went on a road trip across Shikoku.
Never try and do it in 3 days.
Okobe Gorge, Kagawa Ken
I was really surprised when I was reading up on Shikoku - I didn't realise that there was so much to see there. The problem is, we had serious time limitations and I often got outvoted and as a result, missed the best bits of the island. We did get to make a stop in every prefecture though.
Shikoku is a seriously inaka island. Very mountainous and pretty. But it's the kind of beauty all over the island and it gets boring very quickly. The nightlife is absolutely terrible! Well, I shouldn't say that because we only saw it in Takamatsu and Koichi. Koichi wasn't bad actually - but that night out got cut short because people were feeling tired. Boooo!! There are definitely things that are worth seeing - Matsuyama and Iya Valley for example, but it wasn't the trip I was expecting it to be.
Ritsurin Park, Takamatsu
It's always a risk taking a trip with people you don't know. But on a road trip it's worse because you never can get any time away from the people that you are travelling with. A trip like this can either be awesome or fail miserably. I think you can tell from the tone of this which category this trip fell into.
Ritsurin Park, Takamatsu
But I don't really want to get into that too much. LOL! The pics are all up on FB. There was nothing that really stood out to me to want to blog about it in more detail. I mean, I'm making it sound terrible but it was something that I really wantd to do before I left Kyushu. And now it's done.
I got given some gorgeous, luxury chocolates today.
They were given to me by the TT. She's the woman who helps out in the 1年生classes, meaning that 3 times a week, a class of 30 has 3 English teachers at the same time.
This TT was really nice. She tried really hard to speak English with me. She may be working towards teaching English, but her own is....well, I don't want to say poor, but she has a lot of work to do. I found out that from August she may actually be at my school full time. Although I won't be here to see it.
It's really nice of her to give me such an expensive parting gift. And her message was incredibly sweet. She thanked me for my help and kindness. Then she went on to say that she admires my genkiness and control of the classroom (she has a very meek voice) and also thanked me because I'd given her a total of 24 (she actually counted?!) different ideas for classes that she wouldn't have been able to come up with by herself.
That's when I started to realise just how hard I've worked over the last couple of years. I really have worked my arse off. Preparing classes, making materials, scrutinizing films to find appropriate scenes for various activities....
お疲れ様ジェイド!!
Haha!
I will miss her though.
xx
I've just been reading online about Jade Goody.
I can't believe she's dead.
I didn't follow her cancer battle, but I did hear about it and felt very emotional. I just felt so sorry for her.
I remember when she first entered the Big Brother house. Like everyone else, I was thinking 'Oh My God, is this girl for real?!' At first I disliked her because she 'tainted' my name. Everytime I met someone new and told them my name, they would say 'As in Jade Goody?'.
But I started to warm to her. I loved the fact that she never pretended to be intelligent. But in actual fact she was - she just didn't have the general knowledge! The stuff that came out of that girl's mouth had me cracking up! Right down from thinking that East Anglia was abroad to thinking a strawberry was a vegetable.
She didn't win the show - but she should've done. That didn't even matter. Getting through all the jokes and the ridicule, she had the last laugh and became reality TV's most successful star. She set up her own businesses, she brought out a perfume (which actually smells pretty good), wrote a book, had her own TV show and appeared in a load others. She became such an inspiration and more and more people started to admire her. Including me. The way that she has come out of all this shit that she got herself into is incredible.
And yesterday she died. At the age of 27. Only one year older than me. On Mother's Day. Her poor kids.
It's really got to me actually. She died battling cervical cancer. I remember when I was 18 I found a lump in my chest. It turned out to be nothing but it was a very scary time. And I'm reminded of the way I felt when I found it everytime I look in the mirror and see the scar.
It's one of those things that you think will never happen to you. You think that cancer happens in people who have unhealthy lifestyles - who smoke, drink, do drugs - whatever. But the scary reality of it all is that it can strike ANYONE at ANY age.
Like I said, I haven't followed the battle. But it has been all over the press since she was diagnosed and I have spent the evening catching up with newspaper archives and watching TV appearances on YouTube. It's not like I was her biggest fan or anything but the clips and the tributes have deeply saddened me.
Maybe because my state of mind isn't in the right place today either.
But I believe that she has been a great inspiration in her short life. People make mistakes - of course they do. She was cussed out hard for allowing the press so much coverage of her final days but she was making money for her childrem. People do great things and she has really managed to turn her life around and achieve amazing things post BB.
It's got to me. Or for some reason that I haven't worked out yet, I needed an excuse to cry.
R.I.P Jade Goody.
xx
I've just been made aware of some Buddhist principles.
1) Keep thoughts of disappointment out by focusing on the moment.
2) Let things BE
3) Don't complain - believe the world is already perfect
4) Pride is a vice
5) The world just needs to be appreciated - trying to change things is often futile and only leads to frustration.
When I read these, I could only come to one conclusion. Buddhism=passivity. I honestly don't see how principles like these can be viewed in any other way. There is nothing wrong with striving to get what you want, with having dreams, ambition. With trying to change things instead of just accepting them. I have some Japanese friends who are Buddhists and I always thought that they were passive and unambitious purely because I was comparing them to myself. I grew up believing that you don't get far in life if you don't have dreams or ambition. And when I measure myself up to a lot of the people in my life today, I am stronger and more ambitious than about 95% of them. I have a goal and every day that I am here is a step closer towards reaching that goal. I could never accept things exactly the way they are. I don't think I ever will. Obviously, there are some things that you can't change. Like the Buddhist principle, there are things that you should let be. But not everything. And the world is so far from perfect, it pains me to read such a statement. People that fight to eliminate poverty, famine, war, AIDS, cancer - are they wrong in the eyes of Buddhists? How can these things be appreciated? It IS frustrating when you can't change something. But if it's your goal, your aim, then surely that feeling of frustration just makes you work harder?
I'm not slating Buddhism. I want to make this clear. I respect people's beliefs. But it doesn't mean that I have to agree with them. And after reading these principles, Buddhism is a mystery to me. I don't think I will ever understand it. But if living this kind of passive life is attractive to you, then どうぞう！
And good luck with it.
I've just started reading 'What Should I Do With My Life? The True Story of People who Answered the Ultimate Question' by Po Bronson.
7 pages in and it's getting seriously deep already. This passage about fear has really struck a cord with me:
'At one of Rinpoche's "teachings" at a hospice, he described how fear holds us back from our own advancement. "Fear is like a wound within out emotions," he said. You heal a fear much like you heal a cut on your hand. If you ignore the cut, it will get infected. But it will heal itself if you pay attention to it and give it time. Same with a fear. First, recognize it's existence - what kind of fear is it? Is it a fear of poverty, of loneliness, of rejection? Then use common sense. Don't let the fear get infected. Often we burn 70% of our emotional energy on what we fear might happen (90% of which won't happen). By devoting out energy to our other emotions, we will heal naturally.'
So simple in theory. But when fear does take a hold of you, it's really difficult to put it aside and concentrate on other emotions. And what happens if you turn your attention to an emotion that's worse than fear? That causes more pain than fear? Considering that this passage is saying that we use 70% of our emotional energy fearing what might happen, what exactly is within that 70%? Surely it can't be just fear? There has to be other negative emotions intertwined with that right?
Rather deep thinking for a Thursday afternoon - just before I'm due to set out on a road trip. My mood is already a bit sombre because of the elementary school graduation I attended this morning. The Junior High School was emotional but these are just children. And watching children cry tears at the heartstrings and I couldn't stop the tears from falling.
Elementary graduations are different. Especially at the rural schools. There were only 5 kids in the 6th grade and since there are barely over 50 kids in the whole school, the ceremony had a very intimate feel to it. More so when the vice-principal broke down in the middle of a speech. The other grades gave their well wishes to the 5 graduates and then it was the parents' turn. I got a couple of messages of thanks within those speeches as well, which touched me a lot considering that they didn't even know that I was going to be there. When the 6nenseis gave their individual speeches, 3 out of 5 of them expressed their desires to try as hard as possible when it came to studying English. And that made me feel really proud because as an English teacher, you know that you play a significant part in that desire. What was also extremely hard to witness was the reactions of the 5nenseis. 5 and 6nensei are extremely close and they were absolutely bawling their eyes out which triggered me off and left me unable to stop.
A very emotional day. Not really the best state to be starting a trip off in!
xx
I have just finished reading this book by Will Ferguson.
I haven't had such a compelling read in a long time.
It tells the story of Will Ferguson's hitchike across the length of Japan, following the sakura's journey from the southern tip of Kyushu all the way to Hokkaido - the most northerly point.
I LOVED it. It is absolutely hilarious and I often found myself bursting into laughter in the middle of a deathly silent teachers room.
And I know the reason why I loved it so much. It's because I can RELATE to so much of what he's written about. His experiences as a foreigner in Japan mirror what all of us experience. His attitudes toward the Japanese and his reactions to the Japanese people's reactions to him are such a familiar feeling. I was constantly nodding and grinning to myself and thinking 'My God, that is so true'.
It's also full of a lot of interesting facts - not only about Japan, but also about why a thumb is the symbol of hitchiking, yet the index finger is used to hail a taxi. Gripping stuff! LOL!
I want you all to read it. Especially if you are here living in Japan. It's just so offensively funny and impossible to put down.
Please read it. I can't recommend it enough.
I just got back from the gym.
Because there were no new people in the class this week, the teacher really upped the speed. Like insanely.
I am totally knackered now. But it was awesome. I left absolutely drenched in sweat and feeling good.
It's the type of workout that I absolutely love.
Gotta start working on that beach body baby!!!
xx
I know I said I was looking forward to the break.
But all this time at school with no classes leaves me too much time to think.
A very dangerous thing.
Especially with my uffed up emotional state as of late.
What the hell?!
I just wanna be good. Is that too much to ask?!?!
久し振り見た友達と食べに行って来ました。
久し振り見たじゃないけど、久し振りゆっくり彼と話した。
良かったと思う。
２年前近く日本に来た。その初めに、いつも会ってた。毎週。でも、全部変わった。もちろん、それは避けられないと思いますけど、
分からん。
最近久し振り見たない人に会いたいと思ってる。後４ヶ月東京に行くので、ちょっと時間がないですね。
今日彼に会った。その後、私ね、彼がいなくてさびしいと気付いてる！！
LOL! Apologies for all the mistakes that are in this post! I don't know what they are, but they are definitely there!
xx
I got sent a Cadbury's Creme Egg Easter egg in the post today.
I scoffed the whole lot in a matter of seconds.
And now I feel sick.
But man, HOW much do I miss Cadbury's chocolate.
I am also in possesion of Walker's Cheese and Onion crisps.
They will definitely be gone by Wednesday at the absolute latest.
Pig.
xx
I've been feeling really weird today.
I have this feeling that something is going to happen. I don't know if it will be good or bad. But it's definitely going down.
I'm also becoming increasingly aware that my time here is running out. I had a really good time over the weekend. It wasn't that I did anything special. It was simply the fact that I am starting to appreciate the people around me now. A comment from a friend triggered that off. Even though I don't get to hang with everyone as much as I'd like, it doesn't mean that I am just gonna forget about them when I leave. Nor them I. I was reminded of this over the weekend. I really didn't realise that I've been a positive presence for some people and it really touched me being told that.
So I intend to carrying on having a good time. Also, to make more of an effort to see those people that I've fallen out of contact with over the last year. Because honestly, they are part of my memories of my time here.
You know who you are.
xx
The end of the school year is so close...and I just can't wait!
I'm so ready for the break.
You have no idea how excited I am about finally going to Kyoto. Other than Bali, it's the trip that I'm looking forward to the most.
I also worked out that I only have 16 more weeks here.
That is not a lot of time.
At all.
xx
I just got back from my favourite class.
It's 5 and 6nensei combined coz it's such a small school. 6nensei alone are only 5 kids.
One of the 6nensei girls made me a bento box cover and then they gave me this photo of the whole class and loads of adorable messages all around it.
I cried.
Because I know that all of the messages were genuine. This has always been my favourite class. And reading how much of a difference you have made to them makes you realise that all of this is worthwhile. They wrote that they love my class and that I have made them want to get better at learning English and they're really sad that everything will change. I mean, I will still see them at Junior High School but the whole dynamic of English learning is completely different.
I gave the 6nensei loads of gifts. I gave them all pencils from London, chocolate and postcards. On the postcards I wrote them all an individual message in Japanese. I was doing fine in the class until my fave student read her message. I wrote to her : "This year I have come into school every week. Everytime that I talk to you, you make me genki. Thank you so much. Your attitude is amazing and you really are an incredible girl and have been a pleasure to teach. I hope you remain an ideal student in JHS".
As she was reading it, I could see her lip trembling and then she starting crying. That's what set me off. But I meant every wrod. This girl is incredible. She has been genki EVERY SINGLE WEEK that I've taught her and not only is she super smart and tries really really hard, she doesn't care if she's wrong and will throw anything out there. What I also love about her is that her positivity rubs off on all the other kids in the class. She is such a great motivator for all of them. I'm really interested to see if she maintains that in a class double the size of what she's used to.
It really was one of those moments which make me glad that I'm here and glad that I'm doing this.
xx
It was my last day for the year at one of my elementary schools today.
I left loaded with Thank You letters and useless gifts.
And then the head gave this massive speech in the staff room and all the teachers stood up and bowed and clapped.
I hate that kind of thing - I mean, it's nice but I get sooooo embarrassed!
Then as I was leaving all the staff lined up outside the school and clapped as I drove off!
LOL!
I was like, you do realise I'll be back in 2 weeks right?!?!
What the hell's it gonna be like when I finish up for good in July?!
The letters are real sweet though. I don't even need the teachers to tell me how I've completely changed the kids opinions about English. I can see it myself. I know that when I got here they couldn't stand the English class. A year and a half on, I've been told by the teachers and kids alike that the English class is the one they look forward to most and that I've overtaken the cool, young sporty teacher as the kids' favourite teacher.
LOL needless to say I got absolutely nothing from 6nensei. I wasn't expecting to since I quit their classes 6 weeks ago. I'm normally at this school every Thursday morning. Next Thursday is their graduation ceremony but when I left today they told me that they would see me in April.
Looks like I'm not invited to that then! To be honest it would be weird given the way that things ended up. And it actually gives me the chance to go to one of the other elementary graduations. I didn't go to any last year.
xx
The time has come for me to get a new laptop.
What does everyone recommend?
お願いします！
Scotland Bar, Karatsu, August 2007When I first arrived in Japan I went to a welcome party. There is ALWAYS an after party which results in a lot of drinking and karaoke. This is that after party!
Seems like such a long time ago now - and look how tanned I am!
And I swear I wasn't the only girl there! But I have no idea why it's just me right in the middle of a load of guys.
Enkais are really funny things. At school you can spend 100% of the time being ignored by the majority of teachers (bar your JTE's, the office lady and the librarian). But at an enkai, after they had like 2 beers, they suddenly start talking to you. Not only is that a shock but you discover that they can speak English! Granted, they can't speak it well and sometimes it's really difficult to understand but they know SOME. They just don't make the effort at school. Some people say it's because the teachers are really shy. But some teachers just outright don't like ALTs. I can't say that I blame them all the time. I found out that I get paid more than 2 of the teachers I work with. And they've taken exams and are actually qualified to teach. Unlike me who has just waltzed in from a completely teaching unrelated job, works less hours and get gets paid more.
I would be pissed too.
But these teachers are like completely different people at these enkais. Even if sometimes there is a lot of inappropriate behaviour!
;-)
Pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain
Tears tears tears tears tears tears tears
I would do ANYTHING for this to stop.
Because it's AGONY.
It HURTS.
And I don't know how to make it stop.
I beg you.
Please.
Stop.
Everyone always says that time's a healer.
And it is. I guess. But time alone cannot heal. You need something else.
I had that something else. And it gave me the strength to move forward and start to heal.
And then this weekend that something was taken away from me.
And all the hurt and pain that I was enduring before has come back x2.
I am officially destroyed.
And I really don't know if I'm gonna be able to bounce back from this.
Not this time.
:-(
More pressies today - yay!
This time it was from my 6nenseis. Well, from the girls.
It was a blinging keitai chain in the shape of the letter J.
And it's seriously kira kira and pink.
Awwwww!!!!
They were like we got this for you because you said that your favourite colour is pink.
When I asked them how they knew I like kira kira stuff, they said it was because I always wear kira kira earrings!!!
Cuteness.
xx
Temple of Heaven Park, Beijing, ChinaLast March I went to Beijing for 5 days. Only just enough time to fit in the city and the Great Wall. While we were visiting the Temple of Heaven Park, we ran into a load of school children on a school trip. There were actually loads of school trips that day. The funniest thing about them all was their uniform. All of them were wearing shell suits with like a red ribbon around their neck. We saw these blue ones, orange, yellow, green...I always wondered if this was what they actually wore in school or just when they go on trips...because sometimes my kids wear their sports kit when they do work experience. So maybe it's the same in China? I hope so! It was weird because they were like robots when I took their picture. No posing or anything, no matter how much I encouraged them to!
Man I wished I'd zoomed in so you could see the kids at the front better! Their faces are hilarious!
When it gets to the end of the school year, you always gets loads of gifts from your students.
I got given a present from one of my 3nenseis at elementary school today. I never really understand why because it's not like they're leaving.
It was a pen pot made out of papier mache. The outside was newspaper. The kid that gave it to me thought it was really cool because the newspaper was in English. And he looked super proud of it when he presented it to me.
I put on a great big smile and went on and on about how awesome it was.
I haven't got a clue what to do with it.
I have a pencil case - I don't need a pen pot. I'm not at any one school for any length of time to make use of it either if I was to leave it on one of my desks.
*sigh*
But I haven't got the heart to throw it away either...not yet anyway!
LOL!
Karatsu Castle
Karatsu is the city I live in here in Japan. Well, I actually live in a town about 20 minutes from here ut it all comes under the same city.
About a couple of days after I arrived, I went on a bike ride around the city. That is when I took this picture of Karatsu castle.
It's not much compared to the other castles in Japan, but when it gets to spring and the cherry blossoms start to bloom, it's really pretty. And there is a really nice view of the coastline from there as well.
xx
I got my new JET diary today. And then I realised there isn't a lot of time left before I leave.
January went by so slowly. And now it's March. What the hell?! The thought of taking the next step is both exciting and scary. Especially because at this point, it's so uncertain.
I can't believe I've been here nearly 2 years. It seems crazy when I think about it. But at the same time, London feels like a lifetime ago.
I remember when loads of JETs left last year, someone told me that I should make the most of every minute because before I knew it, it would be time for me to leave. And that's exactly what's happened.
And I keep switching between doubting my decision to quit and knowing that I made the right decision in quitting.
It's such a hard choice to make. But sometimes you just have to take the plunge. Take the risk. Otherwise you will just never know how things would have worked out. And the not knowing is the hardest part of any situation that you may find yourself in.
You've worked out what I'm up to haven't you?
LOL ;-)
Good luck to me!
xx
I'd forgotten how much I love Rihanna's album 'Good Girl Gone Bad'.
I haven't listened to the WHOLE album for a long time. But I did today and I really like the song 'Rehab'.
'And I'll never give myself to another the way I gave it to you
Don't even recognise the ways you hurt me, do you?
Gonna take a miracle to bring me back
And you're the one to blame'.
If you get the chance, check it out.
Yokohama, 2008I realised that I barely post any photos on here. Not only does everyone not have facebook but not everyone takes the time to have a look at the photos that I've posted on there.
And I don't blame you - there are hundreds of them!
So I thought that I would post one pic a day from my time in Japan. It may be Japan, or it may be one of the many countries that I've visited since I've been here.
Let's start with this one. This is in Yokohama, Kanagawa ken. There is a theme park there called Cosmo World. I LOVED it. Those of you that know me well know that I absolutely adore theme parks and rides and arcades. I just suddenly turn into this massive kid! LOL - don't we all!
Even the rain couldn't dampen my spirits that day!
xx
I had a blinding afternoon at elementary.
The game was just snakes and ladders but I'd spent a total of 11 hours making 3 A1 sized boards and awesome markers.
On my way to school I was thinking that they better love it because of all the effort I'd put in.
And they did. They actually played it properly as well, saying the words in English when they landed on a square. It was one of the best lessons I've had at that school. They'd never seen, heard of, or played snakes and ladders before and they absolutely LOVED the rules of going down a snake. It was hilarious because they always cheered when someone did.
It was a really awesome class. I literally spent the whole time laughing because their reactions were so funny.
Good stuff.
xx
I've been finding lately that I can't have a meal without having dessert.
And everyday when I get home from school I'm badly craving cake. I've always had a sweet tooth but over the last couple of months it's gotten worse.
Mmmmm....cake........
This is really random but I noticed today that one of my teachers waddles rather than walks.
And then I realised why...
......he has got a HUMUNGOUS arse!
One of my male friends asked me this today.
The million dollar question.
Everyone has different tastes in men and women. Some people think that David Beckham and Cameron Diaz are hot. Some people don't see it at all. Everyone thinks differently.
Obviously everyone has their ideals. No one asks for an asshole. Well, maybe the odd one or two.
For me, sometimes guys are just TOO NICE. That's not to say that I'm one of those girls who wants an asshole. But I do like a bit of a challenge in that I don't want a guy to be constantly telling me how much he likes me and all that crap. It totally bores me and the words quickly lose their meaning. Yawn!
Humour always wins for me. But not the constant joker because that just gets annoying.
I don't even know why I'm blogging about this. Right now I'm not even interested - never mind looking!
Recently I've been waking up absolutely shattered despite the time I go to bed.
I think I'm just getting tired of all of this. Today I had 5 classes, 4 of them in the morning. In 2 of these we watched Kung Fu Panda and did I worksheet that I had prepared. In the other 2, the kids were just studying for a test, so me and the JTE were just sitting at the front of the class doing nothing. What a waste of time! I didn't really understand because normally if the JTE is preparing for tests or giving back tests, she tells me that I don't have to come to the class.
But today she didn't. And I just couldn't stop yawning throughout the whole 2 periods because I was bored shitless.
I mean really - what is the point?!
This headache is driving me nuts...
It's pounding!!!
Yet I'm too lazy to get up and take some tablets!
Think I'll try and sleep it off!
オヤスミ
Too much thinking...
,,,gives you a really bad fucking headache!
Owwwww!!!!
You know what? Some people are really annoying.
Liars.
Not really liars.
I hate it when people you've been expecting contact from tell you that they've been too busy to call or mail you.
Yet they have time to update their blogs, go out on the town or call/message other people.
My friend was bitching about this yesterday.
And I agree with her! But at the same time I had to point out to her that maybe whoever she was waiting to hear from just DIDN'T want to talk to her. Or maybe they just didn't have anything to say?
I dunno. But she didn't like that one! AT ALL.
I know what she means. But sometimes people have other things or people that they need to catch up with first? But on the other side, it takes less than a minute to write a message. So in that respect, yah, I agree with her. What harm can it do just to let someone know that you are thinking about them? Or let them know that you are OK? Or anything!!! It takes a minute. More people should take the time.
I got back from Tokyo a couple of hours ago.
And I'm feeling really down. Again.
The weekend was way to short again. I was really busy yesterday and didn't get to enjoy time out with my friend until the evening. And then we started so early and got so drunk we were able to catch the last train home! LOL! Actually it was a good thing coz I had an early afternoon flight so it meant I could sleep off any possible hangover.
While I was there I was actually thinking how much I love Fukuoka. It was at a point when I was squashed on the train in the rush hour traffic. I had a flicker of doubt about my decision to quit. But that soon disappeared because I KNOW I am doing the right thing about leaving. But I think I really will miss it here and it's worth taking the trip back for from time to time to catch up with friends.
I'm starting to get a bit concerned about work now though. It's too early to look but I am keeping an eye on vacancies and what not. I just don't know what I can get outside of teaching. Not until I get there anyway and have actually had the time to explore my options.
I looking forward to being near friends though. I just hope they decide to stick around and not leave when I get there.
I'm not sure why I'm feeling so lonely. I think I just really miss them. Even the thought of going to Bali can't bring me out of these blues right now.
Along with that I bumped into someone that I haven't seen for a long time and that just stirred up a whole lot of emotions that I think are getting to me now. And making me feel sad.
And on top of all of that I have a whole load of lesson prep to do.
