Retardedness

I'm sitting here with a bag of frozen beans strapped to my foot.

It's so swollen that when I stand up, I buckle.

It wasn't even that I got RIDICULOUSLY drunk last night - it was my damn shoes.

5.5 inches. Taking me to 6ft 1 inch glory. Well, a bit over actually ;-)

So it started on the beach - no I did not wear those shoes to the beach!! It was such a glorious day my girl and I decided to take a picnic down there after the gym. Naturally this involved a bottle of sparkling wine.

So we necked that and then hit up a wine bar. We love this place called Bonito. The staff are awesome, the food is seriously yummy and the wine is divine. Expensive, but worth every penny. Another couple of bottles there.

And then here was the mistake - we met up with some friends at another bar and had beer. I KNOW better than to mix beer and wine - the end result is never pretty but it didn't stop me. You know I was good though, I took it slow and it was allllll good. But on the way to this bar, I slipped. And fell. HARD ON MY ARSE. Like, it didn't hurt or anything - but I dropped. What happened is that when we were in the wine bar, I kicked my shoes off. When you get warm, your feet expand slightly, so when I went to put my shoes back on, they felt a bit tight so I decided to leave the back strap down. Because they weren't on properly, they just slipped out from my feet and I went flying. Much to my friend's amusement. You could hear him laugh a mile away.

After that we went to our usual watering hole, Montana. I had a (really bad) white russian there and then we went to get some food and call it a night. On the way back to the car (no, we weren't driving - we were sleeping in it!!!) I just didn't see any steps. I missed the first one and went sprawling forward. And this time it really f****** HURT! I felt my ankle go straight away. I couldn't walk on it and had to hobble back to the car. I barely slept coz it was throbbing like hell and I was just like, damn I need to get this strapped up.

I got home and just walking into the apartment was agony. It's still so swollen I decided not to strap it until tomorrow.

So retarded. Falling twice in one night??!?!!? Falling full stop is so unlike me. But that's what I get for not putting on my shoes properly. And they were stilettos. Idiot.

And to top that off, even though it didn't hurt when I fell on my arse, I now how a bruise right at the top of my thigh. Just in time for Bali.

Retard.

And what's even more annoying, is that the weather is gorgeous today and I would've loved to have gone to the beach. And now I can't go anyway.

Double retard.

xx