Stay? Go? Stay? Go?

And when I say this, I don't mean evacuating.

I told you before in my last post that I am just shattered. Emotionally drained waiting for news about my friends that just isn't coming.

I haven't heard a SINGLE thing today about any of the 5 of my friends who are still missing. It's agonizing and it's looking less and less unlikely that they will be found alive. I did get a spark of hope after hearing that 2 survivors have been found in Miyagi-ken, but everytime I see the extent of that destruction....and it's been four days....it would me a miracle if they made it. And to be honest...I'm not sure how much I believe in miracles.

It doesn't help that Western News Sites aren't updated regularly enough with what's going on. So people are waking up in the UK, seeing HOURS old news and then plying with with messages telling me to leave asap.

I want to remind everyone that the radiation level is FALLING and was microscopic in the first place.

Please don't get me wrong - I'm not for a second assuming that we are all 100% safe, nor that this is all over. I'm NOT being complacent - but it really does no good to panic. I don't put as much trust in the government as the Japanese do but they have got it right and I feel a little proud to see them being so calm and orderly at a time like this. It's also so WEIRD. This really is an amazing country.

So I was telling you that I wanted to get out for a couple of days. I keep changing my mind. What's on my mind now?

The expense. I'm gonna be hit pretty hard in the pocket when I get paid next month because of all the cancellations and the days off I'm taking this week and getting back to Kyushu is gonna be pricey. I shouldn't care and it's terrible to be even thinking like that, but I still need to live and I'm still gonna have bills to pay next month. Add that on top of my GW trip - things are gonna be pretty tight.

I defintiely need the time off. I'm not planning on going back to work yet but I'm wondering if it's a good idea to fork out the cash. At the same time the pull of the countryside is getting me. 4 days with close friends who I miss dearly and fresh country air. Time to recuperate. Clear my head. See my friends. Do NOTHING. I've been working my arse off and am TIRED. The lessons that I have taught since everything unfolded on Friday have been shit. I've been so mad at people for actually showing up - not understanding how their English lesson can be a priority at a time like this. I'm not listening to what they're saying, I turn into a robot. I don't know how I managed to teach 10 lessons on Monday.

The trains are also a mess. Reduced services are causing havoc, the blackout is causing havoc....even without the earthquake and radiation threats, things really are just a bit too chaotic at the moment and it's hard to deal with on top of my emotional distress.

Think I just sold it to myself!

There are a few things I want to do tomorrow - I hope I can actually get off my arse and do them. I can't spend another day in front of the computer like this. Although it feels good informing people on what's going on. I feel like I've done a good deed today. :D

After I get the stuff that I WILL do done, then I'm gonna make a FINAL FINAL decision. But if I go to Kyushu, it looks like it will be tomorrow evening or Thursday morning. Or whenever I can get a seat on the shinkansen.

xoxo